Two’s company, three’s a crowd
FRIDAY, MAY 19, 2023
Dear Annie: This is about “Unsure,” who loved her job at a school but whose husband was pressuring her to find a higher-paying job so she could contribute toward college for their teenage children.
I am writing this from the perspective of a retired public employee who is very glad to have my defined benefits pension.
It is very important to look at the total compensation package, not just the take-home pay. (Note: I am assuming that “Unsure” works at a public school.)
In addition to her take-home, does the letter writer’s employment provide:
1. Benefits that cover the whole family now, such as medical, dental, vision? What would it cost out-ofpocket for comparable coverage if these benefits are not available in the new job?
2. Does the school job provide a secure pension plan? It’s amazing how much money has to be set aside to provide even a modest retirement income.
3. Also, does her current job post retirement medical (medigap), dental, vision? These needs don’t go away. To the contrary, they increase as we age and have to be paid for somehow.
4. How much money have they saved on day care, summer programs, etc., over the years because her schedule matched their kids’ schedules? It is probably considerable.
If “Unsure’s” current job currently provides any or all of these benefits, how much more would a new, private sector job have to pay to provide comparable compensation? -- Considering the Benefits
Dear Considering: I agree that it’s important to consider the total compensation package when evaluating one’s career. A number of readers also noted that “Unsure” could look for a summer job if money is still tight. An overwhelming number of you applauded “Unsure” for the passion she showed for her work, which is indeed something to be cherished.
Dear Annie: I have a question regarding my wife’s friend. We haven’t seen her for a few years due to being generally busy with life; there was no strife or problem. We ran into her at a musical event, and I complimented her on how great she looked.
We invited her to a small party we were hosting. We had a great time, but before goodbyes were said, she sidled up to me, and I think she rubbed my butt as she told me I had great dance moves. What message was she trying to convey? I don’t think I should tell my wife, but I do often think of her. Your thoughts? -- Sexy Senior
Dear Sexy Senior: This sounds like a slippery slope, my friend. It would be easy to pass off an innocent compliment or pleasantry as just that, but that’s not what happened here. For this woman to have made a flirtatious comment while inappropriately touching her friend’s husband -- in her friend’s home, no less -- crosses the line.
The good thing is, it sounds like you two don’t see this woman very often. If that changes and things continue to escalate, you should set a firm boundary with her. Tell her that you love your wife and you want to keep your friendship with her completely platonic.
In the meantime, I would tell your wife what happened. Maybe this friend got confused. Maybe she misread the situation. Maybe she had too much to drink at the party. Maybe she’s lonely. Regardless, this doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of your friendship with her. But if it should come out to your wife in a different way, it’s likely she’ll feel you’ve been hiding this, and maybe wonder what else, from her.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.