Worried about how lonely my life will be

Dear Annie: I am very confused. I have a friend who is 70 and is in the hospital. She has put a mutual friend, “Dorothy,” down as her daughter. She has a son, but he is a man-child.

Our friend Dorothy has so many obligations as it is. Dorothy and I are close, and we are similar ages. I do not have siblings, since my brother passed away at a young age. I have an 85-yearold father who has been both mother and father to me.

I have had “Fred” as my life partner for nine years already!

You see, after my father passes, I will have Fred to lean on. But when Fred passes, I will not have anyone. Dorothy says that she will always be there for me. I don’t want to burden anyone. I have finances of my own. I won’t need monetary things. I do not have anyone to leave my things to. I hate to think of myself alone with things I have bought. Those things will not comfort me in my lonely life.

Do you have any thoughts on this subject? -- Feeling Alone

Dear Alone: You seem to be worrying about things you can’t control in the future. It sounds like you have generalized anxiety and may need the help of a professional therapist. You sound like a loving person who has family and a life partner as your support system -- more than many people have. Try to focus on the present day instead of worrying about the future. The present is a present.

Dear Annie: I enjoy your column and read it every day.

I have been blessed with several grandchildren and was wondering if I could get some ideas on when to stop with birthday gifts. I am thinking that after their 18th birthday, I will just go with Christmas gifts.

I have heard stories where grandparents end up buying gifts for the spouses of their grandchildren and then the great-grandchildren.

I truly can afford the gifts, but I would like to get out of this constant whirlwind. Do you have any suggestions? -- Confused Grandmother

Dear Confused Grandmother: My suggestion for you is to stop giving gifts when you feel like not giving gifts. It really doesn’t matter if it’s birthday or Christmas or both. It truly is the thought that counts. But if you are going to start to feel resentful because it is a burden, then don’t give the gifts. Rather, if you love the idea of your grandchildren -even grown grandchildren -- opening something from you, then keep giving. In this case, to each his own makes the most sense.

Dear Annie: I have eight beautiful grandchildren. I have been blessed to help care for six of them from birth to 5-6 years old. My daughter has twin 7-year-old boys. She has issues with me that I’ve apologized for and have given her space to work through things. I’ve never met my twin grandsons. I’ve only seen them in pictures and several times in public, but neither she nor her husband knew I was in the same store.

I know our relationship isn’t going to get any better for the moment, but I want to meet my grandsons and get to know them with my hope being that she sees I’m a good nana -- a much better nana than a mom. What do you suggest? -- Heartbroken Nana

Dear Nana: It sounds like you have a big, loving heart that you just want to share with those who mean the most to you. The key ingredients in mending your relationship with your daughter and getting to have one with your grandsons are consistency and patience. You’ve apologized and given your daughter space to work through her issues. When you reach out next, let her know just how much you’d like to meet those special boys and be a part of their life. It might take her some time to get on board, but eventually, she will hopefully see that their lives would be better with you in it.

Dear Annie: I have had a friend for almost 10 years. I say almost as we are no longer friends. About six years ago, we parted ways as friends due to him letting his girlfriend create friction in our friendship and we agreed to just go our separate ways.

Time goes on and three years later, we ended up being friends again; he had left his girlfriend. This friend and I became close over the next two years, drinking, partying, etc. I put a good word in for him so he could get a job where he then met a girl who he decided to date. I was against this, and he knew because the girl’s family had done damage to my property with my ex a few years prior. I didn’t want to be a part of that again.

Again, he decides to remove me from all social platforms and stop being my friend because he got a girlfriend. A short time later, he breaks up with her, adds me back on everything and we are friends again. This friend leads me on in several ways when he is single with messages, pictures, actions and words. What do you know? A year later, he finds a girl and guess what. We are no longer friends again.

He always said I am just jealous that he had a girlfriend and that he didn’t spend time with me anymore. I am so confused why he proceeds to lead me on when he is “straight” and single, then always unfriends me when he finds a girl. I have made the decision that I will no longer be his friend after this relationship falls to pieces because I feel he is the one confused with his sexuality. Am I overthinking or being jealous? -- Confused or Jealous

Dear Confused or Jealous: Your instincts are right on -- this person is not a good friend to you and is not worth your continued time or energy.

Some people lose themselves when they enter a romantic relationship. It seems not only does your friend suffer from this, but he fails to remember his life and the people in it when he has a girlfriend. It’s not fair to you to endure this whiplash. Focus your energy on the people in your life who value and reciprocate it. You deserve friends who are caring, loyal and interested in maintaining a bond with you, whether they are single or not.

Dear Annie: I have a dear friend with a loving dog, but I dread going to her house because her dog enthusiastically jumps up on me for the first few minutes I am there. I have tried doing what she asks me to do -- turning my back on him -- and have been not doing what she doesn’t want me to do -- putting my knee out to keep him back or sternly saying “no.”

But he gets no better at any subsequent visit with her method of dealing with it.

I have had, and fostered, numerous dogs and have trained them to not jump up with just a few minutes of training. I’m coming off caring for her dog while she was out of town and am very over her dog jumping on me. She lives alone and relies on her friends to step in with the dog’s care when she travels.

Thanks for any advice short of meeting her elsewhere. -- Friend’s Dog Manners

Dear Friend’s Dog Manners: Have you tried to train the dog yourself while you are staying at her house? If you have, and he still does not listen, then it may be time to hire a professional dog trainer. Having a jumping dog is not only annoying but can cause someone to fall over. Talk to your friend and tell her your concerns so that she is aware of how much the problem bothers you. Since you work with fosters, you could probably find a highly recommended trainer for your friend.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing. com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.