Respecting boundaries and bridging gaps

Dear Annie: We have neighbors who reside in a cul-de-sac that is at the rear of our property. Our property is located on a U-shaped half-mile neighborhood, which is ideal for walking. Over time, these neighbors have chosen to repeatedly cut through our property on an almost daily basis to facilitate their walking routine. It’s gotten to the point where these neighbors act as if they are “entitled” to treat our property as a public gateway from their neighborhood to ours.

I would note that there was a time when we had friendly interactions with these neighbors; but today, they cut through our property and avoid any acknowledgement of us, even when we are outside doing work on our property.

Please give us direction as to how we can politely convey that our property is not a public walkway. -- Not a Cut Through

Dear Cut Through: The real issue here is that they are not asking for your permission to walk on your property. Besides being rude, there is always the possibility that if they are on your property and something happens to them, you could be held liable.

The best way to stop them from walking on your property is to ask them politely not to walk through. You could also do some gardening and plant some nice spring flowers and say you don’t want them messed up with foot traffic.

Had they asked in the first place, you probably would have been neighborly, but their sense of entitlement makes you not want to. If they ignore your requests, then you should consult an attorney.

Dear Annie: I am a grandma, mammaw and granny to six amazing grandchildren. Two of my three sons have these children. My sons are constantly ignoring me. They treat me like I do not exist.

I raised them by myself after their father tragically passed away. I did my best to give them a great life. They all mean the world to me. I just need a little advice from you on how to find a way to see my grandchildren.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- Heartbroken Mammaw.

Dear Heart Broken Mammaw: Be patient and continue to reach out to your sons and find out what their needs are. Do they need help with the kids, or are there sporting events you could attend? Tell your sons how much you desire a relationship with your grandchildren. Grandparents can be a very positive influence on grandchildren’s lives, but the parents have to allow it. Grandparents tend to be more patient and have a little more life experience than parents who are with their children every day.

Dear Annie: My 96-year-old mother has two children -- me and my older sibling, “Jennifer.” Our mother’s trust originally had Jennifer as trustee, but she moved to the West Coast, about 2,000 miles away. A year and a half before Jennifer moved, she tried to steal some small, expensive pieces of jewelry from our mother. She was caught standing by our mother’s jewelry box tucking these items into her bra.

During the last six months before Jennifer moved, she completely stopped helping and seeing our mother, except to talk to her on the phone, even though she lived only 20 minutes away. Jennifer stopped offering to help with grocery shopping and taking our mother on errands and to doctor’s appointments. Jennifer took advantage of an empty home our mother owned by storing dozens of her own personal items there without my mother’s permission. She also threw out some personal items my mother had at that same home without mother’s permission.

Jennifer’s actions, of course, made my mother extremely angry, and because Jennifer was moving so far away, it made no sense to have her remain as trustee. It would be nearly impossible for her to fulfill her duties as trustee, which include the responsibility of power of attorney.

Afterward, I asked my mother to tell Jennifer of the change to the trust. I also volunteered to tell her in case my mother preferred that I do it. She said she didn’t want me telling Jennifer. She said she would tell Jennifer when she was “damn good and ready” because my sister did many things to my mother without telling or asking her.

It’s been four years now, and my sister has not been informed that she is no longer the trustee. In the trust, we do split everything 50/50, and I have all of the correct documents to prove I am now trustee. From my understanding, a person can change their trust and not disclose it to anyone if they choose.

I really haven’t spoken to, or seen, Jennifer since she moved, except for an occasional holiday card. My mother does hear from my sister every few weeks with a phone call, and I get the impression my mother fears if she told my sister of the trustee change, my sister would be upset and stop all communication and her once-a-year, two-hour visit.

Should I take it upon myself to let Jennifer know or just honor my mother’s wishes and inform Jennifer upon my mother’s death? I don’t foresee my mother telling Jennifer after all of this time. -- To Tell or Not

Dear to Tell or Not: You should not tell your sister. It would just cause unnecessary conflicts between the two of you and between your sister and mother. Your mom was fair and split things 50/50, so there is no need to start a fight.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing. com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.