Learning to love yourself
Would you keep company with someone who criticized you all the time and put you down? Maybe they make you feel ashamed of the weight you didn’t lose, the exercise you didn’t do and they keep breaking promises to you. They look at you every day and tell you that you just aren’t good enough and that you will probably never be good enough because you’re just not worth it. Does that relationship break you down emotionally and spiritually? Have you been in it for many years?
What would you tell someone you love who is in a relationship like that? I know I would tell them to get out as fast as they can, if they want to have a happy life.
But what if that person was you? What if it was you saying all those negative things to yourself every time you tried something on, looked in the mirror or when you tried to do something new?
One day, when I was being that person, my husband and I had a conversation I will never forget.
“Christine, you just don’t see yourself as other people see you.”
“How do other people see me?”
“Well, they see you as a beautiful, intelligent woman, who has written a book, grows lavender and does all her cooking from scratch, not to mention who is compassionate, fun-loving and is a fount of wisdom on many subjects.”
Really? I had never looked at myself like that before.
And then he asked me how I see myself. My answer was the opposite of what he had just said. I realized I was telling myself I was incompetent, overweight and not worth having around. The more I told myself those lies, the more I believed them.
“I guess I just don’t love myself. We’re not supposed to love ourselves, are we? Do you love yourself?”
He assured me he did. I was stunned. It’s OK to love yourself, which in turn produces self-confidence.
After that conversation, I started noticing how I treated myself compared to how I treated the people I love. While doing my hair one day, I realized I was brushing roughly without regard for myself or the two years I had spent letting my hair grow out. I started brushing gently, as if I was brushing someone else’s hair. I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself. Other people smile at me, so why shouldn’t I?
But how do you love yourself without being narcissistic? Since that not-so-long-ago conversation, I have found things that show self-respect and love. Here are a few of them:
• Take time to read something inspirational.
• Hit the gym.
• Don’t be in a hurry. Give yourself time to do things right without rushing.
• Get up early and watch the sunrise.
• Take time to appreciate the great things you’ve done in your life.
• Give someone else a sincere compliment and give yourself a sincere compliment.
• Listen to some music you enjoy.
• Treat your body as an incredible gift. Honour it, respect it and eat healthy.
Those are just a few things. Maybe you can think of others. Remember this: the way you love yourself is the way the world is going to love you. It’s never too late to fall in love with the life you’ve been given.
I remember when my son was very young, he figured something out that he had been working on. My memory draws a blank as to what he actually did, but I’ll never forget what he said in elation at his accomplishment.
He said, “I love myself!” I remember laughing at the time, thinking I hoped he would always love himself.
A scripture verse says, “Love your neighbour as yourself.” I would change that to, “Love yourself as you love your neighbour.”
A native of Newfoundland, Christine Faour grows lavender on her hobby farm in Coldbrook. After a lifetime spent teaching, she now spends her time knitting, quilting, making things from lavender and writing about her take on life at anourishedlife.ca. She has one book, Eat Where You Are, a memoir in recipes.