Helpful man poses a #MeToo riddle
AMY DICKINSON ASK AMY
Dear Amy: I like to think that I am a caring and sensitive man — one who respects women and appreciates the spirit of the #MeToo movement.
Therefore, a recent experience has me disturbed. I am looking for some objective feedback.
One recent evening, I was with a woman that I know well. We had drinks before, during and after dinner.
It became apparent to me that she was quite intoxicated and probably should head to bed to sleep it off. I helped her up the stairs to the bathroom. After a few minutes, when I heard the bathroom door open, I came back upstairs to check on her. This is when things got “tricky.”
She was naked, and she made strong sexual advances toward me.
I knew that the “right” thing to do was to help her get dressed and into bed for sleep, and then go on about my own business. But I was weak, partly due to my strong attraction to her. We engaged in sexual activity, and during the acts I believed there was a possibility that the next day she would not remember (or at least she might not remember how things got started). Yet I continued, and for this I am feeling remorseful.
Have I committed “date rape”? Am I a “predator”?
If the situation came to a courtroom, or if I were a public figure, would people judge me to be a “bad” man?
And finally, Amy, does it matter that this woman is my wife of 25 years? — WONDERING HUSBAND
Dear Husband: I hope this didn’t really happen; I’m assuming instead that your question might be a disingenuous and rude little riddle, designed to trip up an unsuspecting reader. However, let’s press on. You ask for an objective opinion. Here’s mine:
Let’s establish at the outset that no, you are not a caring and sensitive man. No, you do not respect the #MeToo movement. That much is quite obvious.
Taking the scenario you describe at face value — yes, you sexually assaulted your wife. She was drunk; you were sober. She wasn’t able to consent to sex — not that you asked her.
No, you did not commit “date rape.” You did, however, commit “marital rape.” You pursued an incapacitated woman for the purpose of having sex with her. Yes, this makes you a predator.
Importantly, and unfortunately — your wife is married to a man who thinks this is a clever and legitimate question worthy of some sort of debate. I genuinely feel sorry for her. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Turn in your good husband card. You are a cad.