Trio eyes landmark polygamy case
B. C. court to weigh in on constitutional issue
ESQUIMALT, B. C. — The calendar at Zoe Duff’s house is full of important dates. There are the work schedules for her government job and for her two partners — Jayson Hawksworth, a grocery worker, and Danny Weed, a security guard.
Date nights are important, so they’re logged on the calendar as well.
Duff, 51, has regular nights out with Hawksworth, 54. She also has nights out with Weed, 44. Then all three go out together on dates, and they all date other people as well.
When the day is done, the three go to bed — a big one with Duff in the middle.
“ They’re both heat-seeking missiles and I’m the heat,” jokes Duff, who is from the Victoria-area community of Esquimalt.
Duff defines polyamory as “ many loves,” an ethical non-monogamy — loving more than one person at a time in an emotionally and/ or physically demonstrative fashion.
In a trial that gets underway in B. C. Supreme Court in Vancouver on Monday, provincial and federal justice officials are seeking a ruling confirming the constitutionality of the polygamy law.
Duff says she’s worried about the possible criminalization of her way of life.
It’s an arrangement all three say works for them. Their children — Duff has two teenage sons — and extended families — both men are separated — seem to have no problem with their polyamorous triad.
A principle of the “ poly” lifestyle is openness and honesty among those involved, she says.
Polyamory is different than polygamy because all partners are consenting, says Duff. She says the hallmarks of the lifestyle are respect, integrity and communication.
Duff, twice divorced, says Hawksworth and Weed “ are both very gentle men and big-hearted. They allow me to be who I want to be.”
Hawksworth agrees: “ We push her to do what she wants to do. She wants to be more open in her lifestyle but she also wants to be able to write down things. She’s a budding author, and she’s a wonderful lady.”
Hawksworth says the triad arrangement “ makes me more open, makes me want to try new things.”
Duff encouraged Hawksworth to take flying lessons and try ballroom dancing.
“ Our relationship is pretty much about empowering each other to do stuff we want to do,” says Duff.
Hawksworth says the three deal with possessiveness and jealousness openly.
“ I’ve grown to where it doesn’t bother me,” he says.
“ You have to communicate on a level that’s kind of scary sometimes. You have to put everything out on the table and be honest with yourself, which is really hard.”
The two men get along so well that Duff jokes they are on a man-date and they just use her for cover.
But they are both heterosexual, so Duff is their only sexual partner within the household.
Duff also has a partner in Seattle and the men have partners apart from Duff. They do not keep secrets from each other nor from others who ask, says Hawksworth.
“ Our mothers always told us to share. That’s basically what we’re doing — we’re listening to our mothers,” he says. “ We’re just sharing more than what other people would share.”
Zoe Duff, with partners Jayson Hawksworth ( right) and Danny Weed, says she’s worried about how polygamy ruling could affect their relationship.