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Brad Dick­son of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Her­ald, on Dick Bavetta, 74, fi­nally re­tir­ing as an NBA ref­eree: “Bavetta has seen it all in 39 years. Well, ex­cept for trav­el­ing.”

Co­me­dian Ar­gus Hamil­ton, scoff­ing at the NFL pe­nal­iz­ing play­ers for smok­ing pot: “The only way mar­i­juana is a per­for­mance- en­hanc­ing drug is if some­body puts a Her­shey bar on the goal-line.”

Greg Cote of The Mi­ami Her­ald, on Dan Marino’s new ad­vi­sory role with the Dol­phins: “Sug­gested ti­tle: Se­nior Vice Pres­i­dent of Good Old Days.”

Jan­ice Hough of LeftCoastS­port­sBabe.com, af­ter the 49ers’ new Levi’s Sta­dium needed a turf re­place­ment af­ter each of its first two games: “Who de­signed this field, the Mar­quis de Sod?”

— The Seat­tle Times

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