You can find love being a nice person
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: On New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to a party and celebrate 2015. I had a good time and didn’t do anything stupid — just got drunk and woke up with a hangover. I took a break from my busy life: I work full time, look after my children, nephew and elderly mother and volunteer at a first responder service in my community. I have been single the last three years, and basically I felt I wanted to do something fun for New Year’s. It’s been years since I drank or even went to a party.
Anyway, my best friend ended up with someone that night at the party. He said about me: “She looks out of place. She doesn’t match with this kind of crowd or party life, but at least she’s having fun for once.” My friend asked what brought on this remark, and she said he told her, “A lot of guys don’t dare go near her. She’s the type that’s respectable and she’s a good girl.” I’m thinking, WTF? What do these men want in a woman? I thought they were looking for someone who’s good and who will treat them well.
I asked a guy out last summer and we had a good time (so I thought), but I later found out he went back to a woman who is a total lush and runs around with a bunch of men. What am I doing wrong? What’s scaring these guys off? Don’t men want nice girls anymore? — Do Nice Girls Finish Last? Manitoba
Dear Nice Girl: You’re basing your worries and selfdoubt on one date last summer who prefers “lushes” and another guy’s half-complimentary comment at a party. It sounds like he kind of liked you himself! It’s interesting your girlfriend told you this stuff — maybe she could tell he kind of liked you and felt jealous. Or, was she using his words to tell you she wishes you would loosen up?
There’s no doubt you need to get out more. Three years is too long to stay home after the end of a marriage, but here’s a truth you need to know: Nice women who are warm and sociable usually finish first. You just need to make 2015 a social year for you. Come out of your “serving everybody” protective shell and have some fun as a nice person who’s fun to be with.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a co-worker who yells at me or gives me the silent treatment at work when everyone else has gone home. We often have to work together alone, but yesterday someone finally heard the yelling.
I have told the boss, but nothing happened. I told the owner, too, but I got the blame for the fighting and then accused of lying by the yeller, like I’m the bad one. I admit I have called this person a name, twice. I was mad and upset for being yelled at. I’m in tears when I drive home after work.
We used to be friends and have worked at several jobs together, but I’ve had just all I can take. I’ve tried talking to this co-worker telling them I don’t like to be yelled at, and then I get yelled at again. I cannot afford to quit. What can I do? Please help me. Any suggestions? — Upset Co-worker, Winnipeg
Dear Upset: Life it too short to be crying every day on the way home. Yelling, fighting and name-calling are not part of a normal work environment. You said one person witnessed this yelling. So now you ask that witness to come with you to the boss and report this formally. Also, tape the yelling as evidence to show the boss. Then it can’t be denied.
Can you change job duties within this company, which I gather is very small? If you simply can’t get away from the verbal abuser, secretly look for a new job, but hang onto the old one until you’ve landed a position at a rival company. Please send your questions and comments to love[email protected] hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free
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