Is it wrong to want a radio controlled car?
AIf you are 12 years old, reader, then GaGu completely appreciates the desire to fire a stupid four-wheeled thing around your living room rather than humorously endangering the lives of others with the much-cooler blades of a careening quadcopter. But no. I suspect you’re older than that, so learn this: RC cars are, in essence, really, really pointless.
But wait! You knew there would be more. There are at least some RC cars out there which Guru does not wish to immediately stamp on and crush into a billion even-more-pointless bits. If you must tit about like a 1/10 scale Nigel Mansell, you will fail to heed this list of don’ts at your peril.
Don’t buy one from a toy shop. Guru has already determined that you are no child. Think that buying a Lamborghini Aventador LP700 (£30) will get you a reasonable facsimile of the real thing? Really? Don’t be so bloody stupid. Get yourself to a specialist retailer run by a super-nerd on the internet and buy one from there.
Don’t expect to just buy an RC car, because buying a good one means you’ll be buying a fast one, and buying a fast one means crashing a fast one repeatedly until it breaks. You’ll need to stock up on spare axles and suspension bushes, and buy a huge pile of environment-destroying lithium batteries in order to keep it running.
Don’t jump into nitro-fuelled cars immediately. Oh, yes, GaGu is familiar with the desire to harness little explosions in the pursuit of power, but there is such a thing as too much juice. Proper engines, and the commitment to tuning and intricate repair that they demand, are not for beginners. You will, possibly literally, get your fingers burned.
And one final don’t: don’t expect a happy ending. You’ll either pump a load of money into something that you barely touch, or you’ll be dragged into a never-ending cycle of upgrades, tuning, club meets and unmitigated spending. GaGu, as ever, accepts no responsibility whatsoever for ruined relationships or bank balances.