Kicking at the darkness
Reflections on horror of 9-11, lessons Atlantic Canadians learned in its aftermath
My friend Paula was calling unexpectedly.
I thought something was wrong.
There was.
“A plane just flew into the World Trade Center!” she said in a concerned voice.
It was deadline day for the St. John's weekly where I worked. It was my second day as the publication's editor.
“Was it an accident?” I asked.
Paula didn't know. She called again a few minutes later.
“Another plane just hit the other tower,” she said, her tone more anxious.
REGRET AND REMORSE
I couldn't process what was happening. In hindsight — given the devastation and disruption 9-11 caused that morning and in the years following — I wish I had.
I can't explain it, but two decades later, there's still a weird combo of regret and remorse lingering about the moment I learned of the second plane hitting the tower.
It gnawed at me that I didn't or couldn't do more. Realistically, there's absolutely nothing I could have done to assist or help those immediately impacted by a tragedy 2,285 kilometres away (from where I was in St. John's, N.L.), but this is still how I feel. To care is human, I guess.
We soon learned of planes being diverted to St. John's and other airports in Atlantic Canada. We rushed to turn around a story. After putting the paper to bed, I headed home.
Plans to celebrate my first edition as editor were cancelled. Instead, I sat in front of the TV, unable to look away from images of the sheer panic and terror, the towers collapsing and debris billowing through the streets as panicked people ran to get ahead of it.
It was heavy, deeply saddening and terrifying. The loss of life.
The loss of security. Those bastards.
A line from singer/songwriter Bruce Cockburn's Lovers in a Dangerous Time comes to mind when I think of the morning after 9-11 — “You gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight.”
INCREDIBLE DETAILS
With the world on edge, details emerged about how people in Eastern Canada were comforting thousands of grounded air passengers.
We fed them, gave them places to sleep, put clothes on some of their backs, entertained them. … We showed them love (at a time) when hate clouded everything.
By being our caring selves, we set an example for the rest of the world, kicking at the darkness with kindness and making it bleed daylight.
We rode an emotional rollercoaster in the days after 9-11, with peaks of altruism and pride and valleys of anxiety and fear.
Resilience soon became the goal and vigilance a way of life. Travel and security changed forever. And world events struck closer to home than before.
Before 9-11, terrorism was a horror that happened in faraway lands.
The attacks that morning and the subsequent war on terror changed me through resulting experiences and encounters with people impacted.
PROUD FATHER
Among the most memorable was interviewing the proud father of a Canadian soldier the day after his son, Pte. Kevin Kennedy, was killed in Afghanistan.
“People wanted to be around him,” Myles Kennedy told me on April 8, 2007.
“(Kevin) would walk into a room and just his mere presence and charisma would lighten up the room. If it was gloomy, all of a sudden everyone was laughing. He had very, very strong leadership skills. He was always a leader at everything he went at.”
I'll also never forget being on assignment in Qatar in 2004 when Ottawa issued a terrorism alert for Canadians in that Middle Eastern country.
Pacing the floor of the Doha hotel room, an armed security detail outside my door, I wondered what I was doing there.
These, and dozens of other experiences, stemmed directly or indirectly from 9-11 and have changed and shaped me.
COLLECTIVE SELFLESSNESS
Until last March or April, I thought the events of that September morning would be the defining moment and period of my generation.
It remains one, but COVID-19 has superseded it in terms of disruption and loss.
Thankfully, the collective selflessness of most East Coasters — wearing masks, following health orders, getting jabbed — has shone during the pandemic as it did during the days immediately following 9-11.
That caring characteristic helps us, and people who need us, through trying times.
Hopefully, it's something no world event ever changes, that we'll always want to do more for others, especially in times of turmoil.