Isolation, loneliness grow in shutdown

Loneliness was a serious public health problem before COVID-19 forced us to cloister like medieval monks, so it's a cinch that since we went into lockdown it has become a much more serious issue for many more people than ever before.

As it happens, the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) has some research to support that theory. The number of Canadians who say they're feeling more isolated than ever jumped eight per cent — from 39 to 47 per cent — in the first month of the Great Pause.

Given the general order to hunker down at home, it's no surprise that more Canadians are feeling more alone. But isolation was causing serious mental health problems when — pre-coronavirus — four in 10 Canadians felt disconnected. Today, with almost half the population reporting those feelings, the CMHA is using mental health week — May 4 to 10 — to draw attention to the problem and offer up some strategies to combat it.

One such strategy — at the heart of this year's effort — calls upon us all to “get real about how we feel.”

And just how do we go about that?

Well, according to the CMHA, when asked, “how are you?” we are not obligated to respond with the anticipated, “I'm fine.” Nor do they advocate any of the variations on that most common of responses. So, answers like “I'm ok,” or “I'm good,” don't get the job done either.

Get this. The CMHA says when someone asks how you're doing, you should answer with the truth and tell the poor unsuspecting questioner how you are really feeling. Can that be right?

It's a radical concept for those of us who came up to believe that emotions, when they can't be supressed altogether, are to be denied. We've been schooled to understand that when somebody asks, “how are you?” they're merely being polite, so the in-kind response is, “I'm fine.”

The only allowable deviation from the formula is when there is compelling physical evidence that casts some doubt on the veracity of your answer.

For instance, if you haven't seen an acquaintance since the accident left you in a full body cast, the appropriate response to “how are you?” may be more fulsome than usual, but it should still minimize attention to your various broken parts, and conclude with an assurance that, “I'll be fine.”

Then along comes the CMHA, an outfit with some expertise in the matter, to dispute the efficacy of the longpracticed, automatic response. Apparently, the denial of our feelings is not only doing us harm, but it's not doing the questioner any good either.

The CMHA knows that most Canadians use shortcuts to inaccurately describe their emotional state. According to data the association released this week, 77 per cent of people asked, “how are you?” reply “I'm fine, thanks.” The social convention is observed at this impressive rate, despite the fact that 63 per cent of Canadians are feeling more negative emotions than positive ones these days.

The phoney “I'm fine” masks feelings of depression and anxiety that are plaguing so many of us at the moment and also serves to shut down desirable human connection. “How are you?” followed by, “I'm fine,” generally begins and concludes the social interaction.

And it is that interaction — the connection to others — that we most miss and, therefore, most need to help us through this period of forced separateness.

“It is well understood that human beings are social animals,” says an article on the CMHA website. “We are actually hard-wired biologically to be in connection with each other. When we are out of connection, we suffer.”

Social isolation leads to depression, anxiety and cognitive deterioration, all of which cause people to withdraw even furthers. Isolation, therefore, is self-perpetuating and debilitating.

The absence of strong relationships with other humans has been shown to have serious overall health consequences, up to and including premature death. The CMHA cites a study — published by Harvard medical school — that found social isolation reduces the average human lifespan by about as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

With COVID-19 defining the physical boundaries of our social contacts, the CMHA says we need to become more deliberate about maintaining social connections that are no longer built into our daily lives, at work, at school, or wherever.

123RF The number of Canadians who say they're feeling more isolated than ever jumped eight per cent — from 39 to 47 per cent — in the first month of the pandemic shutdown.