A hand­ful of quick­ies

We don’t want to kink-shame, but some things are weirder than oth­ers. Plus: How close is too close for man’s best friend?

The Coast - - SAVAGE LOVE - Read Dan’s an­swer in full at the­coast.ca SEX AD­VICE FROM DAN SAV­AGE mail@sav­agelove.net

Q I re­cently stum­bled on an In­sta­gram ac­count of a young woman who’s a “knife play” en­thu­si­ast. I con­sider my­self sex-pos­i­tive, but I must say I was dis­turbed by the im­ages. I was also shocked that I didn’t know this was a thing! But of course it’s a thing. Ev­ery­thing is a thing, right? I don’t want to out­law it, and ev­ery­one has a right to their kinks, but I’m so wigged out! I don’t have a ques­tion here be­sides won­der­ing what you think about it. —Can’t Un­der­stand This

A Ev­ery­thing is, in­deed, a thing. And in­tim­i­dat­ing things like knives—ob­jects that sym­bol­ize power, dan­ger and con­trol—are far like­lier to be­come fetishized ob­jects than non­threat­en­ing things like waf­fle irons, or use­less things like mod­er­ate Repub­li­cans. As for what I think about knife play, well, it’s def­i­nitely not for me. But if some­one wants to in­cor­po­rate knife play into their sex life safely, re­spon­si­bly and con­sen­su­ally, I don’t have a prob­lem with it.

Q I’m a first-time dog owner. I LOVE my dog, but here’s the thing: He sleeps in my bed with me, and would prob­a­bly whine and bark at this point and wake up my room­mates if I kicked him out of the room. Is it wrong to mas­tur­bate when my dog is on my bed? He’s not al­ways sleep­ing. Could this dam­age my pup in some way? —Co­nun­drums Are Tacky

A Dogs have been watch­ing hu­mans fuck for 30,000 years. So long as your pup is a pas­sive ob­server and not (ick) an ac­tive par­tic­i­pant, he’ll be fine and you won’t go to jail.

Q About three years ago my wife de­clared an end to sex (we are in our late 60s). How­ever, she in­sists on “tak­ing one for the team” once a month. She makes it clear she de­rives no en­joy­ment from sex, but I can­not refuse to par­tic­i­pate without a huge fight. I find that I have de­vel­oped a sex­ual at­trac­tion to other men my age. Ev­ery man I en­counter in gay bath­houses con­sid­ers oral sex safe and no one wants to use a con­dom. Most of these guys seem very ex­pe­ri­enced and are not wor­ried about STIs from oral sex. Should I be wor­ried?

—Con­cerned Older Man En­quires

A You can get all sorts of things from giv­ing and re­ceiv­ing oral sex: gon­or­rhoea, syphilis, chlamy­dia, her­pes, etc. My ad­vice: stop hav­ing sex with your wife so long as you’re seek­ing out men in bath­houses. I sus­pect your wife is only fuck­ing you once a month to keep you from stray­ing (which you’re al­ready do­ing) be­cause she be­lieves that if you aren’t get­ting sex at home, you’ll leave her to go get sex. That’s ob­vi­ously not the case—you’re get­ting sex else­where without her knowl­edge (or her con­sent and putting her at risk in the process) and you aren’t leav­ing. Tell her you’re also done with straight sex (the “straight” can be silent), have one last huge fight and then go suck some dick.

Q Gay and mar­ried here. My dad got on In­sta­gram, fol­lowed me and some of my friends, and then re­quested to fol­low a friend whose ac­count is pri­vate. My friend stupidly ap­proved my dad’s re­quest without re­al­iz­ing it was my dad. There were some R-rated pho­tographs of my hus­band and me hav­ing some pretty kinky (and pretty great) sex with our friend on his ac­count. My dad called me scream­ing about how he and my late mom were faith­ful to each other for 42 years and that’s what mar­riage means and my hus­band and I shouldn’t have got­ten mar­ried at all if we were go­ing to be hav­ing sex with other peo­ple. Just be­fore my mother died she con­fided in me about an af­fair she’d had and asked me to re­trieve and de­stroy some let­ters and cards, which I did. I’ve had three scream­ing fights with my dad about monogamy in the last two weeks. Can I tell him?

—Son Blows Friend, Dad Blows Gas­ket

A No, you can’t. Your mom isn’t around to de­fend her­self and, ab­sent proof of the af­fair, your dad will think it’s a spite­ful and hurt­ful lie. And even if you had proof, telling your fa­ther about your mother’s af­fair would be an act of grotesque cru­elty. You have ev­ery right to be an­gry—your dad is be­ing an ass­hole—but poi­son­ing his mem­o­ries of his mar­riage isn’t a pro­por­tion­ate re­sponse to his ass­holery. In­stead, tell your dad your sex life is none of his busi­ness and that you refuse to dis­cuss it with him any fur­ther. If he brings it up, hang up. Re­peat as nec­es­sary. Your mom wanted to take this to the grave and you promised her—on her deathbed—that you would help her do just that. Don’t be­tray her.

Q I’m a 52-year-old woman who has been in an open re­la­tion­ship with my part­ner for two and a half years. Great sex, in­tense con­nec­tion, best friends! Early on he ex­pressed a de­sire for me to play with his ass. At first I did, but I was never com­fort­able with it. I’m not into anal my­self and do­ing anal with him turns me off. Over the course of the two and a half years he’s be­come very frus­trated. I tell him to go find a woman or a man who en­joys ass as much as he does and play with them. We are in an open re­la­tion­ship, af­ter all. He claims he has no time to date any­one else and he’s sug­gest­ing that I play with his ass or we go our sep­a­rate ways. It’s lu­di­crous to me that it has come to this. Any words of wis­dom?

—Ass Play Or Else

A Your “best friend” is an ass­hole. DTMFA.

Q The idea of spank­ing my wife re­ally cap­tures my sex­ual imag­i­na­tion. I don’t want to in­flict a lot of pain, but see­ing her over my lap with a bit of pink on her ass is the hottest thing in the world to me. My wife in­dulged me once, but she found it de­grad­ing and re­fuses to do it again. Oth­er­wise, our sex life is fan­tas­tic. I be­lieve that Dear Pru­dence would side with my wife: If you don’t en­joy it, don’t do it. My view is that it’s a small in­con­ve­nience that brings your hus­band an in­cred­i­ble amount of joy, so of course you should do it! What are your thoughts? —Wife Is Hot Over The Knee

A She gave spank­ing a try, found it de­grad­ing in a non-sexy way, and doesn’t want to do it again. And that’s the end of it. a

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.