Shar­ing nudes: Ad­vice for all the Tony Cle­ments out there

You don’t need to be the An­nie Lei­bowitz of dick pics but some thought goes a long way.



Tues­day, No­vem­ber 7, amid the Amer­i­can midterm elec­tion re­sults start­ing to roll in, Con­ser­va­tive MP Tony Clement is­sued a state­ment ad­mit­ting to shar­ing nude im­ages on­line with a per­son other than his wife. This came as no shock to many twenty-some­thing women who quickly took to Twit­ter to share sto­ries of creepy In­sta­gram be­hav­ior such as late night, deep-dive pic­ture-lik­ing by the Tory heavy­weight.

Some light In­sta­gram-perv­ing aside, there’s noth­ing wrong with shar­ing nudes on the in­ter­net. In 2018, it’s nor­mal and maybe even healthy to own your sex­u­al­ity, in­clud­ing the con­fi­dence it takes to cap­ture a nude photo and share it with an­other. That said, Tony (may I call him Tony?) is mar­ried as well as vul­ner­a­ble to ex­tor­tion due to his Na­tional Se­cu­rity and In­tel­li­gence Com­mit­tee mem­ber­ship. His mar­riage ar­range­ment is re­ally none of our busi­ness, though the vul­ner­a­bil­ity to ex­tor­tion due to his ac­cess to top se­cret in­tel­li­gence is...well...con­cern­ing.

I hope he wasn’t just spam­ming some poor young lady who de­cided to take ad­van­tage of the sit­u­a­tion and now may face a whole heap of trou­ble. Time will tell. Tony says it was con­sen­sual. That is re­ally the most im­por­tant thing to con­sider when send­ing a nude pic­ture. Con­sent is ev­ery­thing.

Ask any woman who has opened her in­box to find a gi­ant, shiny wang glar­ing at her. It is jar­ring, at the very least. With­out con­sent, it’s sex­ual ha­rass­ment. So, fel­las, ask be­fore you whip that wang out. I say fel­las be­cause it would seem it’s men who like to show off their wares with­out per­mis­sion. Maybe women do it too, but I am yet to hear com­plaints from men that this is com­mon place.

Why do men feel the need to show off their bits? On hook-up sites men of­ten use their pe­nis as their pic­ture. Sigh. Even worse is when the first mes­sage you re­ceive from an in­ter­ested party is just a big ol’ close-up of their junk.

Here’s some free ad­vice: Take care in shar­ing what you seem to think is your most at­trac­tive fea­ture. As­sum­ing you get con­sent, take your time in a well-lit area to get a de­cent shot. No one wants to see your toi­let in the back­ground or your white ath­letic socks halfway to your knees. Hon­estly, less is more and a sexy pic­ture can show very lit­tle. If you are hell­bent on show­ing your dick and can’t even be both­ered to take your un­der­pants all the way off at least make sure they’re clean. You don’t need to be the An­nie Lei­bowitz of dick pics but some thought goes a long way.

If the pic­tures you sent are not as warmly re­ceived as you were hop­ing, don’t go on the de­fen­sive or get nasty. Be­ing rude will not sud­denly make your pe­nis charm­ing. I like dicks but I’ll be the first to say they are not nice look­ing. Even nice dicks look funny. So men, get con­sent and take a de­cent pic­ture— not some grainy in-the-dark shadow pup­pet. And if we are to learn any­thing from Tony Clement, maybe ex­er­cise a lit­tle bit of dis­cre­tion with who you share your pic­tures with. The re­cip­i­ent may not have your best in­ter­ests at heart.

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