Is my wandering eye normal?

Q. I’m in my late 20s, and have been in several serious relationships.

I’ve loved very hard, but I’ve also always had a wandering eye.

However, I’ve never acted on flirtations. I’ve been a faithful girlfriend, but pushed the limit many times.

I fear that my curiosity about other men — even when I’m in a committed relationship — is a part of me that I’ll never be able to shake.

1) Could this be a maturity thing, or is a wandering eye quite normal?

2) Is it possible to be completely satisfied with your partner? — Curious Flirt

A. To question 1) Yes and Not Always.

To question 2) Probably not, but it doesn’t always matter.

On maturity: The years of your 20s are often an awakening to what’s possible in the adult world of dating, and loving relationships.

Your college boyfriend at 20, say, has a great sense of humour, but the guy you meet at 24 is more interesting, and the man you date at 27 is sexier, more compelling, etc.

Through these experiences, you get a sense of what qualities in a partner become more important to you.

A wandering eye, however, can’t be dismissed as just “normal.” Curiosity in your earlier years is natural, as is noticing when a person is attractive and interesting.

But if you’re always looking elsewhere, it reflects a restless state. If it’s a persistent way that you keep dumping one guy for another, it’s best to find out what’s actually driving you.

2) On total satisfaction with The One: Loving deeply is wonderful, but it’s not blind. You do see the flaws in your loved one, but that doesn’t mean he’s the wrong guy. You have flaws, too.

When couples have enough good things going for them — chemistry, respect, common basic values — knowing each other’s weak points, as well as strong ones, is part of the intimate bond between you.

You’re at an age of transition, when what counts in a mate becomes clearer to you.

Q. I’m getting married in three weeks. Right now, things seem too crazy.

My soon-to-be-husband already has a daughter.

She’s 10, and doesn’t want us to marry. She’s threatening to run away during the wedding, which worries me because she has run away before.

My sister’s daughter, age two, will be my flower girl. She’s not potty trained. I paid $50 dollars at a swanky children’s store for a white satin dress with a silk bow.

My sister buys poor-quality diapers (she refuses to buy anything else) and they leak. I don’t want a leak to ruin this expensive dress.

How do I sort all of this out? — Wedding Woes in Idaho

A. Your potential runaway stepdaughter needs immediate attention.

Sit down with her and talk about the wedding as something that she’s part of. Have a role for her in the ceremony, with something special to wear.

If she still balks, ask why she doesn’t want you to marry. Listen. Don’t over-react. She’s a child fearing she’ll lose her dad.

Tell her that you love her father and her, and want just as he does, for her to be happy.

Her father should assure her that adding you to her extended “family” will not change his love for her.

If she’s still threatening to bolt during the ceremony (an obvious bid for needed attention at this time) her father, and mother too,

if possible, should have her talk with a professional counsellor.

Q. Among my friends, single life is fun for some of them, but daunting for others, especially after a break-up.

Sometimes, it can also feel extremely lonely.

Most of my women friends are early-30s, independent, have jobs, live on our own.

But we’re starting to feel traditional pressures about finding a life partner, having kids, etc.

Between the loneliness and the pressure, how do we avoid settling? — Single and Seeking

A. Know this: An unhappy marriage is lonelier than living single.

You can make yourself excited with wedding plans, busy with setting up house, consumed with having babies and raising kids.

But it’s hard to force happiness with your partner if you don’t feel it.

Avoid settling by not rushing into a relationship until you know someone well, and by not convincing yourself of “practical” reasons, such as, it’s time, he’s a good provider, he loves me and that’s good enough.

Your future is too important to just hand over. TIP OF THE DAY Marrying someone you “settle” for can end up making you lonely and unhappy for years.

Email: ellie@thestar.ca