Rare recommendation of a Raider in Week 13, but avoid Bengals at all times
The November cold has begun to worsen, and it is evident that it will soon be the best and worst time of the year: fantasy football playoffs.
For some, this trying time will prove to be nothing but disheartening — if you have Melvin Gordon on your roster, your tears are permitted, expected, and plentiful.
For others, this exciting time will prove nothing but exhilarating — if you drafted James Conner and Phillip Lindsay late, your smile deserves to be wider than a kick from Roberto Aguayo.
For all lucky enough to earn a seed, fantasy football playoffs will be full of truly magical moments. Find the stars on your team. Play a winning constellation. Risk everything.
SMART STARTS
Put the following players in your lineup for Week 13:
D.J. Moore vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I’ve been touting the talents of D.J. Moore since he was drafted, and his rookie-season emergence could not be coming at a better time. With the departure of Kelvin “Dumptruck” Benjamin and the injury of Devin “Backgammon” Funchess, this first-year WR is primed and ready to explode against the broken sieve that is the Buccaneers’ secondary.
Austin Ekeler vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Similar to most Green Day songs, what Ekeler lacks in quality, he makes up for in volume.
Melvin Gordon’s ACL tweak leaves the backfield open to showcase Austin’s powers. If he happens to be on your waiver wire, pick him up immediately.
Jared Cook vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Imagine you have just stayed overnight at a musty, decrepit hotel. This very same hotel hosts a continental breakfast every Sunday: almost every option is garbagetrash. Unthinkably bad coffee, charred and crusty sausages, moldy oranges, etc. You think to yourself, “my goodness, I want none of this” — but then your eyes catch a table in the corner serving up perfectly delicious eggs benedict.
Jared Cook is this eggs benny. The Oakland Raiders are this unpalatable breakfast. Start him in his scrumptious matchup this week against the Chiefs.
FIT TO SIT
Put the following players on your bench for Week 13:
Jonnu Smith vs. New York Jets
If it wasn’t for Jonnu’s trundling jog untouched up the middle for 60 yards on Monday Night, Mr. Smith would have had an extremely disappointing outing. Taking into account his production volatility, Jonnu Smith is like Tyler Lockett. Just twice as slow.
Unless he gets a touchdown, expect nothing but disappointment.
Kenyan Drake vs. Buffalo Bills
Looking for revenge, Drake will find none against these divisional rivals. Yes, they are playing the dumpster fire that is Buffalo — but these Bills are hot. With the Dolphins likely to attack their opponents’ depleted secondary, Drake will be upset with this statistical output this week.
Hue Jackson’s Bengals vs. Anyone
The worst coach in Cleveland Browns history just lost to the Cleveland Browns last Sunday in a perverse, paradoxical form of utter decimation.
Jackson’s tenure in Cleveland proved to be a blight on the franchise’s history, and his anything but illustrious current status in the NFL has been a curse to his new team thus far. Beware the jungle.