Woman, 32, thinks lockdown is boring

QUESTION: What about those of us who can’t afford or just don’t want counselling? Not everyone’s interested in digging up every bad thing that ever happened to them.

I want to know what else you can tell people who are just feeling miserable, and there’s nothing they can do about it because everything’s different on account of the COVID virus and lockdowns.

I’m a 32-year-old woman who used to have an happy, exciting life. I’ve had many dates from apps, been in several relationships, and easily found hook-ups online. Now I’m moping around alone and bored. I don’t need counselling, I need fun. What advice do you have for me?

— Fed Up ANSWER: There’s not much advice that can help a closed mind. But not everyone has to seek counselling.

Instead, an open mind, and solid, trusting friendships, can help people turn some unhappy situations from bad to better. But you do have to do some work. Otherwise, complaining and boredom will just perpetuate your bad feelings.

Everyone needs one person who’ll listen when you have an issue you need to understand better. It can even be yourself.

Confused about something? Start with an online search so your mind starts focusing. Once you have some information, talk to a friend about it for another view. Or join a chat group for more input.

Once you stop accepting boredom as your unhappy lot you might find some bright spots in your life — maybe a caring grandparent who loves to hear from you, or a rescue dog on which you can shower affection and enjoy healthy walks outdoors together.

Or meet a man online who understands the dangers of a ravaging virus and wants to get to know if you’re a match, before dating.

Counselling isn’t always necessary, and besides, it doesn’t work for people unwilling to expand their thinking, and want everything to stay the same, even as rising numbers of COVID-19 infection cases and deaths are considered alarming.

QUESTION: There’s a mom in my daughter’s class who, pre-COVID, was always seeking lifts for her kid to school sports, birthday parties, etc. but never offered to drive.

She also volunteered for different parent committees but never showed up, leaving others to do her job.

Our daughters are friendly but not close.

Recently, some moms got together on Zoom just to connect since our kids are all home-schooling. It was an unofficial get-together, with under one-third of the classroom moms whose kids are close.

This mom somehow heard about it and is sending angry emails about how we excluded her and her daughter. Another mom told her it was only a casual chat but she won’t accept that. What do we do?

— Just A Chat ANSWER: Someone has to send the group’s apology to her and mean it. This is about her innocent daughter’s awareness of how her mother (and her, by extension) was left out of a discussion that represents the school, whether you meant it to or not.

Here’s the reality check: A mother who may have undisclosed physical or mental-health issues (since she regularly requests driving help and doesn’t appear after volunteering) wasn’t invited to an online chat, though her daughter’s in the same class with children of moms discussing school-related matters.

Imagine if you were the one left out and it affected your daughter. Send the group apology.

QUESTION: My husband’s parents are good-hearted and adore our twoyear-old twins, but don’t “get it” about distancing even with family.

They come from a culture of large gatherings. Everyone gets excited to see the twins and my mother-in-law keeps wanting to hug and feed them. I keep explaining, “it’s not safe for you or them.” They all think I’m stand-offish, but it’s about COVID and keeping grandparents, us and our kids safe.

— The Grinch ANSWER: “Visit” your in-laws from outside their house or on FaceTime. Set a specific time for your weekly contact. When you’re “with” them virtually, encourage the children to interact with their grandparents vocally and by showing them their toys and books, to build the relationship.

ELLIE’S TIP OF THE DAY Approach counselling with an open mind. Check your locale’s mental-health website for free or subsidized counselling help.