Use good judgment in dating Ellie

Dear Readers - Here’s a twist on the risks of online dating. I’ve published many readers’ stories of online successes or disappointments. But the following shows another side - the fixed, negative attitude some people bring to online connections. Though a minority, they can poison the experience.

Reader - “Most of us males are liars, cheats, and have many other traits that aren’t complimentary, however, females have us beat. They’re better liars and are seldom up- front about why their last relationship failed. They cite, “he beat me,” “he was a drunk,” “he couldn’t hold down a job.”

“It’s always HE, never HER that was the cause of the relationship failing.

“I got to know some of these women in person, not just online, and they weren’t free of flaws as they originally indicated.

“The problem with anything online is you have no way of knowing whom you’re speaking to. You cannot look into their eyes to try to determine if they’re telling the truth.

“So tell your male readers to tread softly where truth’s involved. And tell your females readers to take some blame for the relationship failing, they’re not Snow White even though they try hard to project that when communicating online.”

Ellie - Yes, stay alert to negative people with rigid biases. Read between the lines, meet soon if attracted, and run if you hear gender- bashing rants.

Question- Recently, my wife and I attended my favorite nephew’s wedding at which I gave a speech as requested months ago by the bride’s mother. I’d worked daily on my presentation, for weeks.

There were a few humorous anecdotes related to his teens and 20s, such as his natural muscular physique, his gift of the gab coupled with his gregarious mannerisms that always guaranteed success with women, and his skill towards heart- stopping practical jokes.

These comments were well received by his peers in the audience but I noticed glares and silence from the bride’s family table, though none of my words about him being a regular good guy were in bad taste.

However, later speeches by the bride’s family members had bizarrely rewritten history to show him as a serious captain of industry, a debonair no- nonsense community leader, an astute gentleman of impeccable taste and breeding. We hardly recognized him.

Just before closing with my toast to the bride and groom, the Master of Ceremonies was seen by my brother to signal by mime from the bride’s family table to begin clapping steadily. They drowned me out with big grins on their faces indicating that they’d heard quite enough.

I was deeply offended and angry at being given the bum’s rush when I’d only meant well. I strongly feel compelled to call the bride’s parents and express my anger at their rudeness, but my wife says take the high road, let it go, and move on. She says they’re obviously self- righteous, high- handed people who’d never admit to this appalling lack of manners. What do you think? Offended

Answer- Lucky you, you have a very smart, caring, and protective wife!

She’s right that self- righteous, high- handed people do not see their own wrongdoing, only others. A phone call or other confrontation would only result in huffy distancing from them, which could unfortunately affect the bride’s attitude too, and your relationship with your favourite nephew.

Weddings are a sensitive time, and these people wanted their daughter to be publicly seen as having landed a superstar in the fields that matter to them, as opposed to a great guy. FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who’s avoiding advances from a married male friend ( August 30):

Reader - “There’s a sound reason to also let her husband know what their “friend” is trying to do with his wife. It may potentially damage a long friendship but clearly this man is getting inside her head and she’s considered his interest.

“This couple needs to act as one together, and a sure way of squishing any affair is to let her husband know ( protect her marriage) of the advances and try and help this guy ( save his marriage). “This woman might block his moves, but he may find some other woman and still hurt his wife and children.”

Ellie - Important point. There are two marriages at stake in this man’s flirtation and the woman’s initial flattered response. However, if she tells her husband who then approaches the man, he’ll hopefully realize the risk of losing friends and family. TIP OF THE DAY Online dating, like all other dating, requires good judgment.