Worth fighting for relationship

Q - My girlfriend and I have dated seriously for six months. We were friends years ago, and this relationship happened naturally when we connected again, both early 40s.

We’re both unattached, with no kids. She was married for a short time in her mid20s.

Suddenly, we’ve been faced with a serious decision. My girlfriend has been told she’s being considered for her dream job in another city halfway across the country.

Meanwhile, the clientele I’ve built up are all based here. I’m in a position where many people depend on me and I’ve built strong professional relationships with them.

To her credit, my girlfriend raised the discussion about her potential job offer very thoughtfully. She didn’t announce it, but instead, asked how I’d respond and feel about it.

This woman is very important to me, yet I don’t want to hold onto her through making her feel guilty if she decides she has to move to the job.

But I already know that I don’t want a long-distance relationship for years ahead, and I know that I can’t pick up and move with her.

Is there a way to handle this that we can both accept and move on without feeling we’re giving up our best chance at a lasting love?

Unhappy Choice

A – You’re both wise not to rush this decision, especially as she hasn’t yet been given a contract and go-ahead with the new job.

Even if that happens, a test period of her being away and you two visiting each other when you can, might bring important new information:

her job might turn out to be less wonderful than she’d believed, or the location less appealing. You might find that it is possible to re-build a clientele in that same location, or that you can handle working in both locations for half a month each.

All this is just conjecture, but my point is that you both don’t really know for sure what the future holds, even if she accepts the new job.

Don’t back away from this woman and the relationship until there has been a realistic view of what the change will bring.

It’s a natural tendency to protect your own feelings by saying, “Do what you need to do.” Forget it.

You have something strong between you and she wants to keep the discussion going, as you both think through what’s possible and what’s worth a try.

Ellie’s tip of the day:

When a relationship feels right, don’t walk away from challenges. Talk them through, try ways to adapt.