Long-distance love can still work
Q – I’m a male, 28, missing the woman I love. I’ve been working at home toward my post-graduate degree – a goal I’ve had for most of my life.
I met my girlfriend a year ago when she was visiting relatives here. When she left, we messaged/called each other daily. After the March lockdown ended in late spring, I visited her on the West Coast.
Neither of us travelled at Thanksgiving or Christmas because we felt it was too risky. But now that there’s no special holiday reason for crowds of people to travel, she’s urging me to visit her in person.
When I responded that the general rise in COVID cases still means that trip could be dangerous for both of us, she was deeply hurt and accused me of not loving her enough.
I do love her and want to marry her. I haven’t said this yet because I feel I should get through my studies, seek work and then we can live wherever works out best for us.
But she’s not responding to my emails or calls.
Should I just get on a plane and visit her? What other choice do I have?
Heartsore A - Love is such a powerful emotion, it cries out for fulfilment. But the virus is even more powerful until it’s conquered.
I cannot advise you to rush to her side. If it were allowable for you, it’d be allowable for everyone else with a personal reason to flout official restrictions.
Instead: Propose to her, even if it has to be by phone, message or registered mail. That’s your dream goal and hers.
The vaccine will likely be available to you both by late spring. Your studies may also be done by then and the future clear for planning a wedding and deciding where to live.
COVID-19 has made this time a part of history – difficult to endure but eventually to be surmounted. It’s worth the wait.
Q - Now that it’s a new year, how do I find the right person for me when I’m limited in where I can go and what I can do to stay safe from COVID?
I’m 30, single, nice-looking, have a decent job and work from home. I meet very few new people through my work. I’m fed up with online dating as it takes too long to build trust that someone’s worth meeting.
I have a lot of interests – music, art, dance. But I’m not a follower of basketball or soccer the way so many men are. I found it very boring to sit through endless TV games to please my former boyfriend. Now I feel I just can’t waste my time that way.
What are your suggestions for my search?
Seeking Mr. Right A - Success in a relationship is not finding the right person but being the right person. (from the American Reformed Baptist preacher John Piper, who added, “...in the power of perfect Person (God).”
Whatever your religious foundation, for couples it means going beyond your specific interests, to knowing who you are and what you have to give to another person.
My personal experience: soccer – a game I barely knew or understood, became exciting to me (to my surprise) through the joy it gives my husband.
If you develop feelings for someone, show flexibility and willingness to explore his interests, and share experiences that matter to him, not just those you’ve preferred in the past with others or alone.
Feedback regarding a woman who asked whether she should marry the aimless guy with whom she’s intimate or the sex freak whose touch she can’t stand (Dec. 10):
Reader: This questioner is so utterly self-centred that I pity any man she tangles with. Recommending her to wait is the correct answer, of course. But unless she seriously changes, the wait should be forever.
Feedback regarding grandkids who never say thank you for gifts:
Reader: This is especially for teens who don’t return thanks or even acknowledgement of your gifts.
On the next occasion, send a card and enclose a cheque for whatever you want to give, but don’t sign it.
It’ll guarantee an immediate reply. When they say, “Gran, you forget to sign the cheque”, you respond to them and their parents thus:
“Glad you acknowledged receiving my card this time. You’ve never said thank you or acknowledged my previous gifts.”
They’ll all get the message.
ELLIE’S TIP OF THE DAY
When you want to marry someone, say so. Even when apart, love can flourish.