Woman worried about best friend’s daughter

Q- My high-school best friend and I have been by each other’s side forever. We even thought about things the same way, at least until now.

We had kids around the same time, with my eldest a year older than hers. We both have a boy and a girl. We’ve also parented similarly, until now.

Her daughter has become sullen and morose.

My friend has talked to me through the whole pandemic, but she didn’t reveal how bad this situation has become.

Our two families met for a walk pre-lockdown, and I was shocked at her daughter’s transformation from a sweet, bubbly tween to this nasty girl.

When I asked my friend how she’s handling it, she said, “She’s just seeking attention. No one can help her.”

I was surprised at my friend’s lack of desire to help her child. I’m afraid to say anything about it, yet more afraid to not say anything, for the girl’s sake.

What’s the right thing for me to do?

Frantic Friend

A- Open the door to communication about concern over her daughter, but don’t stumble right through it.

Your friend seems very uncomfortable, perhaps more than you realize. She may already have talked to the girl’s teacher and/or a psychologist or other professional about her and isn’t ready to share what she heard.

Also, the girl’s transformation may’ve knocked the wind out of your friend’s pride in her. If you probe her about the behaviour change, she may distance from your friendship rather than answer.

Yet, your intentions are from kindness and caring.

So, simply say that you hope her daughter’s OK, and if there’s anything you can do to help either the girl or your friend, you’re there for them.