Don’t give up on repairing a rift

It's time for aunt to be generous with wisdom and understanding

Dear Readers: A borrowed thought to share with everyone: Smile through the mask.

That’s advice from a streetcrossing guard known as Hi-Five Paul for his upbeat pre-COVID greetings to youngsters at a school crossing.

Recently interviewed on Metro Morning, Paul’s still smiling to connect to people even while distanced and despite currently-closed schools.

Every day that each of us awakens is a fresh start. We can see a grey wintry sky outside and get gloomy or we can brighten up and face whatever’s ahead. Let’s all try Paul’s upbeat prescription for getting through this pandemic safely.

Q- Last year before COVID hit, my niece was planning her wedding. A bridal shower was planned for a day that I was obligated to babysit my three-year-old grandson.

I asked the person throwing the shower if I could bring my grandson. She told me that would be OK. However, my niece called and told me that no boys were allowed to attend.

I said a few nasty words to her, she said some nasty words back. My niece also told me that I was then off the guest list. Months later, there was a party for the couple, and my sister asked why I wasn’t planning on going. I told her that the reason was her daughter took me off the guest list.

Then COVID-19 hit, and all festivities were cancelled. The couple still got married in June.

In September, I apologized and bought my niece a bridal gift and a wedding gift. I wished her and her husband all the best.

By December, my niece and my sister were still angry. They blame me for all the problems that occurred. I’m so frustrated and ready to move away, in order to not bother with them. I tried to make amends and apologized. I don't know what else to do. Lost Sister

A- So sad. But we have to look at the common triggers that get activated during wedding preparations. A bride gets uptight about wanting her event to be perfect, to the point of preventing a toddler from attending a shower because he’s a boy.

A grandmother, feeling protective and with a responsibility to babysit, feels hurt and overreacts.

And a mother-of-the-bride gets involved, aligning with her daughter’s decision to keep the event free of a small boy.

Perhaps a plan could’ve been made for someone else to babysit the child.

Perhaps the bride could’ve found it cute to have the youngster present.

Perhaps the two older sisters who were head of their households could’ve smoothed this over rather than let it become a wedge between them.

Apologize again. You’re not at some terrible fault here, but you did overreact with nasty words.

Do not move away. You were generous with gifts, now be generous with wisdom and understanding. Tell both your sister and her daughter that you deeply regret the incident and, in this time of much more serious issues to face, you want to repair the situation and strengthen the family bond.