Parenting as equal partners
Q- My wife of 10 years and I both have good jobs so chose to not have children right away so we could enjoy our free time.
Now, we have a girl, age five, and a boy age two. My widowed aunt babysits while we’re at work and is great with our kids.
Since we increased our home life, our relationship has changed because we’re very different. I’m exhausted after work, just want to relax with the kids, eat dinner, watch some TV and go to sleep.
My wife wants to discuss her work day as soon as we’re together. She’s also bossy about what’s good or bad for the kids regarding even playtime with me, then constantly raises what she considers my faults.
I agreed to counselling for each of us because I love our children. But I still feel like my wife’s trying to direct everything between us and thinks that I’m failing at it all. What should I do? Separate lives
A- Talk to the counsellor about dealing with you two together sometimes, not always separately. While he/ she may be giving each of you insights about yourselves, you also need to recognize the pitfalls during the shared parts of your life e.g., playtime with children and private time as a couple.
It sounds like the latter is being largely ignored, leading to less affection and emotional support. It’s not enough to just be there.
Now, you both need professional help to develop the give-and-take of living and parenting as equal partners.
More feedback on the appearance of emotional cheating (Jan. 20):
Reader #1: The wife views the man’s friendship with the woman as “cheating”. She blocked him immediately, saying they’ll be divorced as soon as possible. Seems she was looking for a good excuse to get out of the marriage.
Reader #2: After conceding that not all business relationships with people of the opposite gender qualify as cheating, you state, “but appearances matter”.
How can women achieve workplace equality if they’re suspected of sexual behaviour whenever they work with men?
Ellie: This man was helping a friend with technology for her business. The problem was between the married couple, not about the woman seeking help. The negative appearance that mattered was to the wife only, who purposefully hid her suspicions by never joining them though invited. And he missed it.
Any imagined leap to a workplace barrier for all women from this account, just doesn’t work.
Ellie’s tip of the day:
Counselling can help a couple learn to share and enjoy their roles as equal partners and parents.