Woman wants more from relationship

Q– I’m a 52-year-old single mom who met a man online. We talked for several months, met twice. On the third date we had sex.

That’s usually when I get ghosted. Instead, he messaged that he didn’t think a relationship would happen, but we could stay friends. Not what I hoped for, but I agreed.

For several months we commented on the other’s posts or texted.

I went over and we ended up in bed again. Then another time at his request.

I thought things were progressing.

But whenever I asked for a visit or invited him to my place, he declined.

This is my first friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship. I want more but am unsure I’ll get it. But I don’t want to lose the little I have.

How do I get him to commit to a relationship or walk away unhurt?

Wanting More

A– You’re asking for more of what so far is a friendship that allows for occasional sex when he’s comfortable with the time and place. It’s not quite control, though close, but more about his not being ready for more. He’s not widening your contact together.

Some people – men and women – can handle an FWB relationship because 1) it’s all they want; or 2) it avoids deep intimacy which they don’t want and 3) it avoids any public show of being a couple.

That’s what he has been signalling from the start.

Wanting more is a natural desire for you, as an upfront, giving person.

Look for someone else who’s less elusive for reasons he’s not explaining.

This time, if you use a dating app or some other online way of meeting, show confidence in yourself. If you know after a short conversation that someone’s not very interesting, just find a reason to end the conversation. Don’t hang on.

The same goes for any dates obviously headed for FWB scenarios. They’re not what you want.

Move on.