Break-up confusion

QI'm a guy, 25, who has been told by women friends that I'm decent-looking and assured by colleagues that I have a successful future ahead.

I have a tight group of close friends and have had some very positive dating experiences and some emotionally difficult break-ups, through my early 20s.

But recently, I broke up with someone, and I'm not sure why.

She's a very nice person, easygoing and fun. We were relaxed together, with no negative issues between us during the six-months-plus that we dated, though my work can be intense and I sometimes go to great lengths to explain it to friends.

She was always interested and had the capacity to discuss it with me.

Why did I break it off? I can't answer, and it worries me.

She was taken by surprise and perplexed, but she didn't overreact and just accepted my decision. But even though I initiated it, I was left confused.

Do I go back and humbly apologize, saying I don't know why I pulled away from the relationship? Am I scared of commitment?

My parents still have a good, happy marriage, and my brother and I have always felt secure and loved, so there's no answer to my problem there.

I need your help to understand what I've done and why. Break-up By Mistake?

A- There's rarely a true mistake when we step back from a positive relationship.

Instead, there's usually an emotionally-based fear of getting it wrong ... i.e., thinking that the woman you were dating doesn't have the same level of feelings for you and projecting that she will soon be the one to break up, so you get there first to protect your pride.

You've previously experienced break-up pain and undoubtedly didn't like it. But that's part of eventually knowing who's the right fit for you.

Talk online or in person with a therapist about your inner confusion, to prevent creating a pattern of insecurity. At 25, with a promising future ahead, you need clarity regarding your self-knowledge and social-emotional skills.

Therapy can help you discover if your recent relationship was about pleasant, uncomplicated compatibility or an important step in your understanding of love and passion (which you didn't mention).