Lonely hearts seek company
Once they encounter it, people respond to it in a wide variety of ways
It can happen at any time, anywhere.
You meet someone, exchange a few words, even a glance, and then continue on your way, but you keep thinking about the person you just met. You feel silly, even embarrassed, lest they see the rush of colour to your face. It’s called attraction.
You might even ask yourself, “What was that about?” Maybe you dismiss the thought, and later, the feeling returns. You call a friend and ask if they know the person you saw. Embarrassed, you ask further questions based on this briefest of meetings.
You feel restless. So, you show up at the place where you first encountered this unknown person. Time passes, and you laugh at yourself. Then, the call comes that you’ve waited and hoped for.
That’s how the daydream of a potential relationship can preoccupy one’s mind.
Whatever your age or your previous dating or partner connection, the lonely heart seeks company. I’ve known it to happen in many different circumstances, even soon after the painful passing of a loved one or the harsh and surprising declaration of an imminent split in what seemed a solid relationship.
When it comes to addressing a crush, there are a few responses that can work. Be bold, if you can handle that approach, and call or email the person you met, saying you found your brief chat very interesting. Ask if they would they like to meet for coffee or lunch to discuss it further.
Or try a somewhat subtler path to discuss the topic that had been mentioned earlier, for example, seek a research article about it and question what the other person’s thoughts are by comparison.
If few to no positive responses are forthcoming, gently back away, then casually wish the person well and move on. It means that you don’t make contact again, until – and unless – this remote person reaches out to you in some way.
“Attraction” can be misleading, and it’s up to the interested person to consider and weigh feelings and motives. Relationships rarely just knock on your door. Instead, they sometimes develop from misinterpretation, occasionally amusing, other times hurtful.
Over the years of answereing countless requests from readers seeking personal relationship advice, I’m now focused on the larger canvas of many common reactions to sudden changes in peoples’ lives. These often include private inner fears of being “left behind” while seeing friends, colleagues and siblings moving forward in their social lives, personal connections and work.
Starting last week, I am focusing on a different theme every Saturday, considering the many emotions involved or missing in relationships of many kinds. Watch for these topics that can affect a person’s sense of the following: jealousy, young love, seniors and sex, being dumped, sibling rivalry (all ages), falling in love again and gossip, to name just a few and in no particular order.
Of course, the possibilities of an attraction can strike you or someone you’ve met, at any time, from the young to the aged. And you want to be clear about how you react and respond.
You must know yourself and your own emotional strengths. If that’s not in your mindful tool box, you’re being unfair to both yourself and any other person who seemingly reached out to you, albeit briefly.
You must think positively about your ability to respond to that gesture. If, instead, you’re mired in hurt feelings from a previous relationship, it’s up to you to move on and do both of you a favour or at least explain to a potential date-seeker that the timing is just not right for you currently.
Without even realizing it, that level of honesty can easily turn out to help you make a friend rather than feel hurt or rejected. And, if you’re still interested, it can be a go-slow situation or a signal to move on and forget this very brief encounter that has gone nowhere.
Meanwhile, be true to your reality. You’re seeking a relationship, but this brief encounter isn’t the gateway to that something special. If you want connection, it must come about in a real way, either the other person reaches out or you do.
Bottom line: Attraction is a very early factor in what may or may not develop into a relationship. The next step is up to you. Speak up or forget it.