Declining a drive
When hosting a party, make sure everyone has a safe way home
The last time I got into a vehicle with a person I thought was too drunk to drive, I was in my early 20s and I did not know how to politely extricate myself from the situation.
The man and his wife, who were almost retirement age, were at a gathering I was also attending outside the city. I had gotten myself there by public transit, I believe, but the buses stopped running to this neighbourhood earlier than the event was scheduled to end.
The older couple found out about this early in the evening and offered to take me back to my apartment in the city after the gathering ended. I was instantly relieved that I would not have to stress about getting home. Little did I know.
'FEELING GOOD'
As the evening wore on, I noticed my drive home was refilling his glass far more often than I was comfortable with. His nose was turning redder and his behaviour became more boisterous. He was not staggering or slurring, but he was definitely, as we would say at the time, “feeling good.”
His wife, who did not have a driver’s licence, seemed oblivious and was laughing along to his stories with everyone else.
When the evening concluded and people made their ways to their cars, I had a hope his wife or the host might suggest we all take a cab just to be on the safe side.
No one seemed to notice my discomfort and I did not know how to voice it, particularly as I didn't want to seem ungrateful to the host for inviting me or the to couple who were ensuring I got home.
TRAGIC ENDINGS
Nearly 30 years later, I still don’t know what I could have said or done in that moment that wouldn’t have been hugely embarrassing for this man who was an important figure in my circle and who was doing me a favour by going out of his way to drop me at the door of my apartment building.
Of course, I did arrive unscathed with the only negative outcome being my own anxiety during the roughly 40-minute trip.
Yet, too many people do not make it home safely.
Recent figures obtained by SaltWire show the rate of drunk drivers being pulled over is starting to decrease, but the rate of drug-impaired stops is on the rise. Meanwhile, driving while impaired by any substance kills or injures more Canadians than any other crime.
Where I live in Prince Edward Island, there were 236 charges related to alcohol-impaired driving in 2022, and 61 charges related to operating a vehicle while impaired by drugs. That’s a high percentage of P.E.I.’s population of roughly 122,000 who
are over the legal drinking age.
There are still far, far too many stories of tragic ends to pleasant evenings, with everyone asking, “Why would you get into the car if you know the driver is drunk?”
SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
There are a few lessons out of my own story.
One is that public transit options need to cover more areas later in the evening.
Another is that anyone hosting a party should have lots of non-alcoholic options and encourage anyone driving to take advantage of them. If they live in a rural area, they might even want to make sure there are designated drivers for everyone attending.
There are indications the culture may be changing. It may be more acceptable now to take an older person aside and say, “I’m sorry. When I accepted your offer of a drive, I forgot to mention I never get in a vehicle with someone even after one drink. I really appreciate your generosity, but I am going to find another way home.”