Man’s feeling about woman not clear

Q - I was away from home for extended periods of time due to my work commitments. My only son was brought up by my wife and had shown interest in sea cadets. As a parent volunteer, I worked with other mothers and fathers, and we all had a good healthy friendship. We used to go with the cadets to various outing and events, such as escape rooms, and often our spouses would join us. We also celebrated holidays and held fundraisers.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, I heard that one parent, with whom we had carpooled, was seriously ill and in the ICU. I tried to contact her partner but learned they had separated. I began to help her out with chores around her house while she recuperated, like snow shovelling and grocery shopping. We started to spend a lot of time together, including taking golf lessons. Shortly thereafter, she told me she had feelings for me.

Another female friend saw what was happening and told me to tell this woman that I was happily married and not interested in her in that way. Now she seems to be having an affair with a married man, which I find disgusting. When I asked this woman about this man, she got angry.

I’m concerned that he’s a player and will hurt her. How do I proceed? Frustrated Friend

A– I’m confused as to how you really feel about this woman. Your much longer letter reads as though you two were having an emotional affair, but when she told you how she felt, you got scared and ran. You don’t mention anything about your relationship with your wife other than she doesn’t attend events with you because she feels she’s a bad luck omen. And then another woman makes sure you tell the first woman you’re not interested, which you do.

But now you’re worried about her having an affair with a different married man?

I suggest you take a strong look at what kind of relationship you want with this woman, while also taking stock of your marriage. For everyone’s sake, figure out what you want before taking any action steps.

Feedback regarding the neighbour concerned about the homeless person (Feb. 29):

Reader: I enjoy reading the advice column, it's a part of my daily ritual. However, my eyes bugged out when I read your advice to Observant neighbour about the person living in their car, that they should call the police to conduct a wellness check. That is the worst advice you could ever give to deal with the homeless.

The letter writer was clear that in their opinion, the person had chosen a parking spot that was “safe and off the radar” where they could park every night. Calling the police brings that all to an end. Police officers are not trained or equipped to help homeless people. When they are moved to action, it most often involves rousting the homeless and telling them to move along elsewhere. The same goes with the city if it involves bylaw officers. The letter writer should seek the advice of a non-profit organization that aids the homeless, not the police or the 311 lines.

Lisi - Thank you for your concern. I didn’t know what the best advice was to give this letter writer, so I contacted the police and spoke with them directly. The man I spoke with was very kind and caring, thought the letter writer was thus far doing the right thing. He suggested calling 311 or the police if the letter writer felt it necessary.

Feedback regarding the woman not invited on her boyfriend’s family vacation (March 6):

Reader: We were faced with a similar situation when my mum hosted her 90th birthday at a tropical resort over New Year’s Eve. Our family is spread across Canada and the U.S. Everyone's travel and accommodation were included. My mum wanted to be somewhere special with all her children, their spouses and her grandchildren.

One of my sons, still in university, hadn’t seen his girlfriend of two years in four months. She wasn’t invited and was devastated as she viewed us as more of her family than her own.

Our family is very close, and we really enjoying being with my son's girlfriend. My son said he wouldn’t go if his girlfriend didn't, and his brothers said they wouldn't go if their brother didn't. A compromise was reached; I paid for my son and his girlfriend, everyone went and everyone had a good time.