WEEKEND FILE
LATE-NIGHT LAUGHS
Conan “The Consumer Electronics Show is happening in Las Vegas and the most amazing gadgets are being talked about. One of the gadgets this year is a fork that tells you when you’re eating too fast. In a related story today, Chris Christie was spotted yelling at his fork to mind its own business.” “Chris Christie said to his fork, ‘Shut up or I’m going to switch to my friend — spoon.’” “It’s being reported that Apple may be making a less-expensive version of their iPhone. They’re calling it a Samsung.” Late Show with David Letterman “Right here on CBS was the annual People’s Choice Awards show. It had fantastic categories like ‘favourite Kardashian’ and ‘favourite late-night Jimmy.’” “I was nominated and darn, I was defeated in my category by Brent Musburger. The category was “people’s choice for creepiest old guy.” “In 2012 we had the hottest year on record, and we had 357 brand-new record highs. That’s 358 if you count Lindsay Lohan.” Jimmy Kimmel Live! “It’s the second night of our new time slot. We had a big show last night. Unfortunately, I found out this afternoon we have to do it again tonight. I don’t know what these people want from me.” “On Fox tonight, they aired a two-hour celebrity diving show called Stars in Danger: The High Dive. I think the only thing worse than being a celebrity contestant on a competitive diving show is being a celebrity judge on a competitive diving show.” Late Night with Jimmy Fallon “The White House announced that the theme for President Obama’s inauguration will be Faith in America’s Future. Which is proof that no one in the White House has ever seen Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” “Today, the president hosted a screening of NBC’s White House comedy, 1600 Penn, which centres on a goofy guy who keeps embarrassing the White House. Or as Joe Biden put it, ‘Why’s everyone looking at me?’”
TV THIS WEEKEND
Saturday The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005) and its 2008 sequel air tonight. Based on the book by Ann Brashares, the story follows four teenage friends who keep in touch during their summer apart by passing along a cherished pair of blue jeans. The cast of Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera, Blake Lively star in both films. (W Network) Sunday It should be a fun-filled night with Tina Fey of 30 Rock and Amy Poehler of Parks and Recreation hosting the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards. Airing live from Los Angeles, it’s a chance for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to honour achievement in film and television and is a lead-up to the Oscars at the end of February. The nominees for best films are Argo, Django Unchained, Life of Pi, Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty. (CTV, NBC, 8 p.m.) Season 2 of the Emmy-winning Girls takes a raw, comic look at lives of a group of women in their early 20s. In tonight’s first episode of 10, Hannah throws a housewarming party, Marnie gets some bad news at work and a visit from her mother, Shoshanna avoids Ray and Jessa returns from her honeymoon. (HBO Canada, 9 p.m.)