Dates don’t like BO or bad breath. Who knew?

This morning I woke up, poured myself a coffee, hopped online, and learned a thing or two about life, love and the world in which we live.

Did you know that bad body odour is a turnoff for most people on a first date? Yup. It’s true, says the Daily Mail, that great solver of the world’s biggest mysteries. What’s next, Daily Mail? Reporting on a study that shows prolonged exposure to sunlight and fresh air makes people happier than sitting in a windowless cubicle for eight hours a day? Do tell.

Snarkiness aside, I clicked on the story. Why? Because someone really needs to do a study on why some people (me) click on idiot obvious stories on sketchy news sites, even when we know what we’re about to read is going to make us eye-rolly, cringed and/or ragey, first thing in the morning.

The headline read as follows: “You’ve only got 12 MINUTES to impress on a first date! Body odour and bad breath most off-putting during initial encounter, while a smile and eye contact work wonders.”

It was irresistible. I was drawn to it like Kim Kardashian to an ill-fitting crop top. I had to read it. I had to know, WHAT ELSE???? Body odour and bad breath?

Would bad manners be on the list? Would grumpiness and snarkiness? Would it read like a replay of my last bad date? Would I f all more on the DON’T side than the DO side?

You want to know, don’t you? You know you already know, but you really want to know. You want to see if the Daily Mail’s report on this thorough study that interviewed … um, how many people? Oh ya, it didn’t say … might affect you.

Incidentally, they mentioned the study was conducted by AXA but it didn’t make mention of a country. Or age groups. Or socioeconomic anything. Or what AXA is.

You still want to know, don’t you? I know you do. I know you do because even though I knew clicking on the link was a grab for page views, I still couldn’t resist.

So, fine. Here ya go. In the DO cat- egory, your smile is No. 1, followed by making eye contact, having fresh smelling breath, having a good tone of voice, and dressing decently.

On the DON’T side, the aforementioned body odour and bad breath are at the top of the list, followed by swearing, “scruffy clothing” and “not smiling.”

Which raises more than a few questions in my mind: When they say scruffy clothing, what are they talking about? Because grunge is back and upscale sweat and track pants are all the rage, so do those count?

Or does scruffy mean like that time I accidentally went to work wearing my sweater inside out, and didn’t notice until an editor pointed it out? And how my hair lives in a perpetual state of rat’s nastiness, despite my best efforts to tame it?

I suppose it’s all subjective, because Kim Kardashian never appears scruffy or rat’s nesty and yet, she has that crop top problem. And that bag problem. And everything else.

Kanye and her millions aside, would she be a good catch on a first date? All high maintenance with her mother tagging along? I dunno about that …

Anyhoo, I, too, recently (five minutes ago) conducted a highly scientific poll, and asked the dog what she thought of the dating story.

Panting in my face, she reminded me that she appreciates a suitor with foul breath, and is attracted to the stinkiest pups in the park.

To each her own, I suppose. Just goes to show, you can’t believe everything you read online.