Previous two wives no longer matter
Q.I’m my husband’s third wife. He was married to his first wife for 10 years, they had a son together. Both remarried in 1994. She had another son with her next husband.
My husband and his second wife divorced in 2013. They had a daughter together.
My husband’s first ex told him after their divorce that she didn’t want him, but wanted no one else to have him. She’s remained involved in every aspect of his life. Their son’s now 33, yet she’s still calling him to “chit chat.”
She and my sister-in-law are still very close. That’s fine, but I mind his first wife (wife No. 1) still being introduced as “sister-in-law” and me being introduced as “wife Number 22.”
Recently, wife No. 1 hosted a baby shower for my husband’s niece. I had no problem attending, but they’d also invited my husband’s ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up right before dating me.
My sister-in-law and my husband’s whole family have been very sweet to me and I honestly believe they don’t realize how much this hurts me and how disrespectful it feels. How do I address this? A. Take the high road. You’re his wife now; these others are from his past.
If your sister-in-law or his family were rude in other ways, you might want to speak up yourself about what you feel. But for now, it’s your husband who should set some boundaries for his ex and his family.
He also needs to say that there’s no reason for keeping his past girlfriend on invitation lists, and that her presence at “family” events is disrespectful to you.
Do she have to pay back $50,000?
Q. My female friend was in a relationship with my male friend for seven years, on and off. They never lived together.
Two years ago they found a house they both liked and bought it. The woman was short $50,000 toward her part of the purchase, so her boyfriend loaned her the money until she could sell one of her own properties and pay him back. The debt was recorded in writing.
Last year, the man died and his girlfriend now claims that she doesn’t have to pay back the money.
While I’m unsure of the legal answer, I believe that morally she does need to pay back the loan. I told her that her position’s really bothering me. She responded with some nasty notes.
The family’s going after her for the $50,000 dollars, so she again asked my advice. When I said pay back the money, she wrote another nasty note. Where do I go from here? With respect for your strong feelings on this matter, you don’t have “anywhere to go,” beyond distancing further from this friendship. The decision is with the courts. Morally, if the man has heirs, she should pay them what he was owed.
Legally, the decision may rest with whether the debt document was witnessed, and/or can be proven to be valid.
Sorry, but I like your friend better
Q. There’s this guy who likes me. I don’t like him back, but I like his best friend. The other guy’s really mad because I think he knows that I like his friend.
But I think I might have a chance with this friend.
A. Unless you led on the first guy who likes you, by teasing or flirting or talking to everyone about his liking you, you don’t owe him anything. He has no reason to be “really mad” at you, though he may be hurt or disappointed.
As for the best friend, if nothing’s been said or happened between you two, don’t start building high expectations. This may only in your head.
Meanwhile, these two guys may be close enough to have a dating “rule” about not dating someone whom the other one likes.