IN PRAISE OF POOP
A Toronto restaurateur is bringing poop to your plate but is it really fun?
The entire world has turned to poop.
I mean that figuratively, for countless reasons, of course. Terrorist attacks, political strife, numerous tragedies — it’s been a crazy summer.
But I also mean that the world has turned to poop as a distraction. A distraction from the fact that the world is turning to poop.
Poop is hot. Poop is cool. Poop is what all the kids are talking about. Lately I can’t glance at social media or log onto a news site without being bombarded by poop emojis, stories about poop, advice on how to make my poop healthier, uncovering the mysteries of poop. Poop: it’s everywhere. My first clue came a couple of months ago when, on a girls’ weekend out of town, one friend scoured every novelty, tween and department store, searching in vain for a poop emoji throw cushion requested by her 10year-old daughter.
Sold. Out. Everywhere. Oh sure, you could argue that a 10-year-old Hamiltonian doesn’t need a distraction from American political angst, but her mom might. Especially if she happens to be vacationing in America.
Poop: not just in dog parks anymore. It’s also lying haphazardly on your tween’s bed. Or, more realistically, her floor.
And now a Toronto restaurateur is bringing poop to your plate. The Toronto Star reports that George Brown College culinary management graduate Lien Nguyen is set to open Toronto’s first toilet-themed dessert bar, Poop Café, on Bloor Street West.
“It’s funny to put food and poop together; it’s a great comparison,” Nguyen told The Star of her business venture, which was inspired by a visit to the toilet-themed restaurant, Modern Toilet, in Taiwan.
It’s really not, though. Funny to put poop and food together. I mean, I get that toiletthemed restaurants are a thing all over the world now, providing toilets for customers to sit on while enjoying chocolate soft serve ice cream in bidet-shaped bowls and milkshakes in cups shaped like urinals. I get it. It’s fun. I can be fun. But if you’ve ever stood ankle deep in raw sewage pouring into the basement of your 100-year-old home, you might not find poop AS much fun as, say, a person who hasn’t.
You might, in fact, become a person who would never in a million years consider bringing food into a situation that involves poop. Even in a fun way. Ha ha. Because you might still have nightmares about having to shovel your neighbourhood’s raw sewage out of said basement, imagining fecal matter floating invisibly throughout the house until you do a massive renovation, ripping out floors and walls and such.
Poop: it’s hilarious for kids of all ages. Unless you’ve had to wade through it in rubber boots.
But Nguyen insists poop can be cute. Poop can be merry. And sure, maybe poop can be to food what it has become to emojis and tween home decor.
“People will change their minds about poo,” she told The Star.
Okey doke. Lots of people seem to agree with her. I mean, the Modern Toilet has been around since 2004, according to The Star, so it’s no flash in the, um, potty.
And I’ll bet customers will be lined up to get into the Poop Café much in the same way we Hamiltonians line up for washrooms after a couple of beers at a hot, humid Ticats game.
And I will probably allow myself to be persuaded to check it out, if only to just check it out. Because of course I will. I mean, it’s here, so why not? But will I ever be enthusiastic about poop? No. Not gonna happen. Oh, who am I kidding? Chocolate ice cream is chocolate ice cream, yummy no matter how you serve it. Sure, sign me up for a poop distraction, too.