The Hamilton Spectator

S o , if you build it, will they want dinner?

- DWIGHT PERRY

Ever hear of a house with 100 yards? There’s one in the works in Iowa City, Iowa, where residents are protesting Reed and Sandy Carlson’s plans for a 7,500-square-foot residence designed to resemble the University of Iowa’s Kinnick Stadium.

HEADLINES

On a Toronto fan’s sign, during the Blue Jays-Rangers playoff series: “I would rather get punched in May than knocked out in October.”

WHERE’S JOHNNY?

Any NFL team that wants Johnny Manziel is free to sign him after the NFL announced that the party-boy QB’s four-game suspension is over. In a related story, the 0-5 Browns are still mathematic­ally alive to make the playoffs.

SOME PUMP FAKE

A gas pump in Fort Myers, Fla., went rogue and charged a couple’s credit card nearly $9,949.36 for a tank of gas. “Cry me a river,” said the Houston Texans, on the hook for more than half the $72 million they spent on Brock Osweiler.

JACKASS ALERT

Four weeks into the 2016 NFL season, taunting penalties are up 220 per cent. “There was a time when the primary rule governing on-field conduct was an obvious and unwritten one: Don’t act like a jackass,” wrote Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot. “Those days are long gone.”

TALKING THE TALK

•Jack Finarelli of SportsCurm­udgeon.com, after seeing Miami, Michigan, Nebraska, Tennessee and Washington unbeaten five weeks into the 2016 college-football season: “Perhaps Mr. Peabody set the Wayback Machine for some time in the mid-’90s.” •Packers receiver Randall Cobb, to NBCsports.com, on the hard shot he took against the Giants on Sunday: “Got folded up like a lawn chair . ... Then I turned over and, like, I had 15 faces in front of me. So I thought I had died or something.” •Dodgers broadcaste­r Vin Scully, on Giants outfielder Hunter Pence: “He would make coffee nervous.” •RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the glut of armchair sports offerings — football, baseball, basketball, hockey — this month: “Last October my wife hid the TV remote where I couldn’t find it: under the vacuum.”

RUT-ROH

Rutgers has already played Ohio State, Michigan and Washington — the 2-4-5 teams in the AP football poll — and lost by an average score of 61-4. What, the New England Patriots weren’t available?

 ?? DAVID WALLACE, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ?? Unless, ofcourse, it’s sandwiched between the Fenway Park house and the Wrigley Field backsplit.
DAVID WALLACE, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Unless, ofcourse, it’s sandwiched between the Fenway Park house and the Wrigley Field backsplit.
 ?? ANDY CLAYTON-KING, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ?? Meanwhile, the Texans are pumping $72 million into Brock’s bank account.
ANDY CLAYTON-KING, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Meanwhile, the Texans are pumping $72 million into Brock’s bank account.

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