Wedding absorption taking a toll

Q . My good friend recently got engaged and is getting married next year.

All she does is talk about herself. It’s constant and it’s not just about the wedding, it’s all about her.

Recently, at a friend’s bachelorette party she spent the night talking all about her upcoming wedding, which I found rude and crass.

I’m not good with confrontation, and I’m unsure how I should handle this situation since she’s very sensitive. Other people have noticed it too.

Self-absorption is a pretty persistent trait. Was she like this previously and it didn’t bother you as much? Has the engagement sent her over the top? Or, is it the wedding topic itself that’s annoying you, because you’re not at that stage too?

Whatever the answer, it shouldn’t take heavy confrontation if she’s truly a “good” friend. Just say it in private, but with a laugh, “enough about you,” and change the topic.

If that doesn’t work, say something to her straight-up but thoughtful, as in, “I’m so happy for your engagement and wedding plans, but maybe you’ve been too busy to notice that you haven’t shown interest in anything I’m doing and that hurts my feelings.”

If she overreacts to that, she’s not the good friend you thought she was.

My father-in-law told my husband that he’d given his younger siblings their inheritance three years ago and felt that it’s high time he did the same for us.

My husband didn’t go into the family business (as his brothers did) and has paid the price of not staying Daddy’s favourite. We’d accepted that a long time ago.

He said we should go buy a bigger house and he’d help us — a very generous surprise as we weren’t expecting anything.

I’m now upset with both my husband and his father because he recently asked how we were doing with our mortgage.

Despite my husband just having finished school, getting hired and having two children in full-time daycare, his father berated him for having an income problem.

He said his younger brothers were doing so much better financially, were much more respected, and that my sister-in-law was a well respected teacher as well.

He completely ignored and disrespected me and all that I’ve accomplished in the past 10 years, helping my husband do the only thing he has ever wanted to do.

My husband still hasn’t spoken to his father about how disrespected we feel. He’s afraid that his father will exclude him from the acceptance and approval that he so desperately wants.

What can we do besides not having anything to do with this person?

Your father-in-law has a controlling personality and can’t understand how his one son chose to do something other than what he wanted, which has apparently worked well for his brothers.

Your husband’s had equally strong will, which makes him more like his father in a good way, than either man realizes.

Cutting ties would just create a bigger family rift, so should be avoided unless the situation becomes unbearable.

For 10 years, you two have done your own thing and succeeded. His father knows that.

Tell your husband he has been accepted and approved of. His father just doesn’t want to give up all rights to comment.

To me, the best response is to keep doing what you two do, and be proud of it no matter his comments.

If he still carries on and you feel disrespected, say so. I doubt he wants to lose his son.