Wife’s focus is on her end-of-day glass of wine
Q: My wife drinks each day.
It is the source of many arguments. It’s not that she gets fall-down drunk but it is always her focus: her glass of wine at the end of the evening. It seems that everything else is rushed through, just so she can get to that glass.
Can she be an alcoholic even if she isn’t getting drunk? She doesn’t think so.
A: When you ask a person whose drinking affects others if they think they are an alcoholic, they will point to someone who consumes more than they do, to say the other person is and they are not.
Rarely is the problem consumer of alcohol the appropriate determiner of what constitutes problem drinking.
Problem drinking or alcohol abuse or alcoholism is determined along two lines: a physiological dependency on the substance and the impact of regular consumption on one’s life. If you experience withdrawal, anything from a headache or sweats to organs shutting down, or if you require more of the substance to achieve the same state of intoxication, then you are demonstrating a dependency. That qualifies for consideration of alcoholism.
If your drinking creates distress for someone other than yourself or interferes with any aspect of your family life or becomes the focus of attention such that other matters then become secondary, this too qualifies for consideration of alcoholism.
Alcoholism really refers to the alcohol-related interference with any physiological, emotional, psychological social, recreational or vocational function. Alcoholism can undermine relationship, child development and life generally. The degree of impact can vary from mild to very severe but, just like the sniffles and a raging cold are still indicators of the same virus, so too can there be variation to the degree to which someone is an alcoholic.
Quite often the problem drinker has had previously disturbing life events and/or a parent who was similarly or more intensely alcoholic or is in a current situation that is stressful. The problem drinker often doesn’t recognize the previous life events as contributing to their consumption.
Rather than admonishing them for their drinking, try to empathize and understand what may be at issue underneath this behaviour.
If your partner cannot work on the issues at present, then do seek help for yourself to better understand your situation, cope more productively and be in a better position to provide support.
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