SIDELINE CHATTER:
It’s never too late to make the police blotter
Yes, pucks and fists often mix — but in octogenarian shuffleboard? Herbert Hayden, 81, pleaded no contest to a misdemeanour battery charge for punching a fellow competitor at the Pinellas Park (Fla.) Senior Center and whacking him with a shuffleboard cue. Hayden was ordered to pay about $1,000 in fines, fees and restitution. And just for good measure, the judge tacked on five minutes for fighting, two minutes for roughing and another two for high-sticking.
HEADLINES
At SportsPickle.com: “Philip Rivers’ face permanently stays like that after losing to Cleveland Browns.”
At TheKicker.com: “NCAA to give every game in 2017 a ‘bowl name’ to improve ratings.”
WISHFUL THINKING
Clovis High School’s Eric Roanhaus just stepped down after 39 seasons as the winningest prep-football coach in New Mexico history. “I know Thoroughbreds, they put them out to stud,” he told the Albuquerque Journal. “But at 70, that’s totally out of the question.”
JUST WONDERING
Was Aussie race-car driver and winner of the Honda Indy Toronto Will Power, in a previous life, a German racer named Horst?
CAN’T UNSEE THAT
Forbes has named Scarlett Johansson the top grossing star of 2016. Only because cameras weren’t there to catch Vince Wilfork’s towel fall off in the sauna.
QUOTE MARKS
Comedian Argus Hamilton, after Florida beauty-pageant winner Vanessa Barcelo got arrested for assaulting a man with a baseball bat during a drunken Christmas party: “If stupidity were oil, Florida would be OPEC headquarters.”
Browns fan Chris McNeil, via Twitter, on having to scuttle plans for a post-season parade after the team blew its shot to finish 0-16: “There’s always next year!”
Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express, noting the 99th anniversary of the first NHL game, played on Dec. 19, 1917: “The first star was Jaromir Jagr.”
RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Vikings coach Mike Zimmer wearing a surgical patch over his right eye during his team’s 34-6 loss to the Colts: “By the end of the game, he had both eyes covered.”
SOME IMPEDIMENT
A hippopotamus decided to invade the golf course during the final round of the Alfred Dunhill Championship in Malelane, South Africa. No word on whether the critter replaced its divots.