Groom-to-be balks at marriage-prep course requirement

FAMILY LIFE

Q: We are getting married in June and the church requires us to attend a marriage-prep course.

My fiancé doesn’t think it is necessary and says it’s just a cash grab from my church. I don’t want to offend our minister and think we should attend. What should we do? A: Marriage is fraught with many challenges. The purpose of marriage-prep courses is to discuss anticipated challenges ahead of time so that when these are encountered in the marriage, you are better equipped to meet them. Examples include finances, in-law relationships, choices with regard to children, household management and more.

Consider this one of your first tests as a couple. Not only must you resolve the issue of the marriage-prep course but, given your question, you may need to resolve your respective church affiliations and even your faith.

You can also observe the manner in which you resolve conflict as a couple. If this requires one always giving in to appease the other, you are in for a lop-sided relationship. And these only work so long as the same person gives in to their partner.

Such relationships tend to fall apart over time, once the spouse who was constantly giving in finds enough strength to stand up for him/herself.

For a more secure relationship, both sides must be able to appreciate the needs of the other and at times give way to those needs. The goal is to elevate the relationship over individual wants.

In addition to showing flexibility and elevating each other as the priority in the relationship, it helps to have common values.

Your question suggests that you have an appreciation for your church whereas your fiancé doesn’t place as much value on it. This, too, is something to resolve prior to tying the knot.

What you should do is find a way to resolve this as a couple.

If you cannot find a resolution that satisfies both future spouses, consider couple counseling.

If your partner holds steadfast in his thinking about the prep course, about your views of church and even about attending counseling, you must decide what you want to do for yourself.

All of this behaviour foreshadows what to expect in the marriage.

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