Game 1 so hot the dogs didn’t need cooking
High heat? Not a problem. The thermometer was at 103 degrees — believed to be a World Series record — when Game 1 began in Los Angeles on Tuesday night. If Mother Nature has any sense of humour, when the Dodgers and Astros take the field to open the 2018 season it’ll be snowy and 35.
HEADLINES
At TheKicker.com: “Problem solved: Martavis Bryant and Eric Bledsoe switch places.”
At TheOnion.com: “Rams simulate playing Giants by pumping crowd groans into speakers.”
DOCKERS 1, SPEEDO 0
Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh went to a Wolverines diving-team practice and — fully clothed — leapt off a high board. Witnesses say he was plummeting even faster than his team in the polls.
ZEROED IN
Here’s one NFL record that might never be broken: The Cardinals got shut out in London the same day the Broncos got blanked in Los Angeles — 5,447 miles apart.
SMART THINKING
UPS will deliver an estimated 750 million packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So it’s a good thing the Phoenix Suns are mailing it in early this year.
ON THE BIG SCREEN
The New Jersey Devils boast the world’s largest high-def scoreboard/video screen — the equivalent of 1,300, 50-inch TVs. It’s so immense, fans say, that on replays you can almost see the puck.
LOSING TWICE OVER
North Carolina point guard Joel Berry broke his hand punching a door after a teammate beat him in a video game. No truth to the rumour that Berry immediately made like Mario and shrunk to half-size.
CLOSED-STANCE TIME
PGA golfer Jason Dufner’s pants split in the seat when he bent over during the PGA Tour’s season-ending Tour Championship. Or as golfers prefer to call it, a bad slice.
TALKING THE TALK n
Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on the Suns firing Earl Watson just three games into the season: “If that is the new standard, the 76ers could be looking at 27 coaching changes every year.”
Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, via Twitter, sizing up the Jaguars’ 3-3 start: “Win, loss, win, loss, win, loss; this is eerily similar to my marital history.”
PAGING MOUSE DAVIS
A feral cat ran across the field at the tail end of the Ravens’ 40-0 pasting of Miami on Thursday night. Adding further insult, the cat finished the night as the Dolphins’ leading rusher.
MONEY WHERE HIS MOUTH IS
Steph Curry has been fined $50,000 for throwing his mouthpiece during a game, but no worries. Curry figures to get it all back — and more — when it’s auctioned off on eBay.
MORE HEADLINES
At TheKicker.com: “Aaron Rodgers’ surgery held at 50-yard line of sold-out Lambeau Field.”
At TheOnion.com: “Eagles ask fans to throw bottles responsibly.” Loneliness is becoming an American epidemic, said former Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy. “Tell us about it,” moaned the San Francisco Giants after finishing 40 games out of first place.
QUOTE MARKS
Paris Saint-Germain soccer star Neymar, to Sport-English.com, after Marseille fans pelted him with foodstuffs: “I could’ve had lunch. There were baguettes, orange juice, Coca-Cola ... That is not soccer. It’s the same as going to a restaurant and hitting the chef with a knife and fork.”
John Breech of CBSsports.com, on twicesuspended WR Martavis Bryant demanding the Steelers get rid of him or throw him more passes: “This is basically the equivalent of Steven Seagal demanding to star in a Spielberg film.”
Chiefs RB Charcandrick West, via Twitter, after beating a 7-year-old who had challenged him to a game of Madden by a score of 148-0: “So what I’m suppose(d) to do ... he said he knew how to play and could beat me.”
Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) WorldHerald, after Kansas totalled just 21 yards of offence in its 43-0 loss to No. 4 TCU: “A running back who gained minus-18 got the game ball.”
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, not surprised to see an Iditarod dog-doping scandal: “These are the same drugs Santa uses to make his reindeer fly.”
Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian Pilot, after Bears QB Mitchell Trubisky threw only seven passes in a victory over Carolina: “There’s a lot to be said for bringing a rookie along slowly, but Trubisky is playing with the world’s largest set of training wheels.”
Frank Schwab of Yahoo.com, after Packers QB Aaron Rodgers told TBS’s Conan O’Brien that surgeons put a plate and 13 screws on his broken collarbone: “Just hope that Rodgers heals and is as good as ever when he comes back, and also hope to not get stuck behind him at a metal detector.”