Losers in Love
No one likes being called a loser. But this group claimed the name for their own, writes Paul Wilson
Paul Wilson shares their story
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We are still having our Valentine’s dinners. Not everyone is still a loser, but we continue to go out and celebrate.
For Valentine’s Day, 2001, I wrote about a woman who placed an ad in the Spectator Classifieds declaring she was finally getting divorced “after 19 years of marriage and two years of negotiating. Many thanks go to family for their unconditional support and love.”
I contacted her and she told her story. As for the ad, she said, “I didn’t put it in there to hurt anyone. It was important for me to see in black and white that there would be a new beginning.”
In a column the next week, I shared some responses, including this from a woman I didn’t name:
“My friends have supported me in many ways. One is to make new memories and celebrate anyway. We have a ‘Loser in Love’ get-together on Valentine’s at a downtown restaurant. This will be the first Valentine’s Day celebration for us, so we will be breaking new territory. But that’s what getting on with your life is all about.”
Now, 17 years later, a letter arrives from the Losers-in-Love woman.
“We are still having our Valentine’s dinners,” Lydia Cartlidge reports. “Not everyone is still a loser, but we continue to go out and celebrate.”
It is time to hear from these losers. We’re at Lydia’s house, a roomy splitlevel just below the escarpment. There are two other losers on hand, both founding members.
One is Carol Brittain. The other is Ron Vine. Both, like Lydia, are retired Hamilton teachers.
Carol start things off, because if she hadn’t been crying in public back in February of 2001, there would be no losers club.
She and Fred had been married about 30 years. They lived well, had no children. Carol loved teaching, every day of it. Then she retired.
She wanted to do things, with whatever years she had left. Travel, dinners, nights at the casino. But Fred wasn’t on board.
Carol was devastated. Life is short, she thought. I’m going to have to leave him.
She was volunteering at Lloyd George school then. And Ron was still teaching there. He’s gay, and was unattached. The two went for lunch at the Centre Mall food court.
Carol told Ron that she thought her marriage was over.
“The tears were running down my face,” she says.
They talked. Then Ron said, “Well, I guess you don’t have a date for Valentine’s. Shall we go out?”
He suggested they could invite others who might be alone that Valentine’s. He said they could call the gathering Losers in Love.
No one likes being called a loser. But Ron decided they would claim the name for their own, have fun with it, turn it into a badge of honour.
And Lydia was invited to that inaugural Losers night. It was just a small gathering. They dined at the Crystal Dynasty, Cannon and Bay.
Lydia had married Dave in 1973 and they had two children. Dave was a generous man, and Valentine’s Day usually meant dinner and new jewelry.
“He was an amazing character,” Lydia says.
But restless. And one day in 1991, he left. Lydia carried on, raised the kids and did her job as teacher/librarian with great passion. But sometimes it was lonely.
She enjoyed that Valentine’s evening with the Losers. So on it goes. Different people drift in and out. If someone happens to be in your life for a time, they get invited too.
Sometimes it’s at Ron’s house, and he’ll cook. When they eat out, it’s often Asian.
“We don’t go places where they charge extra just because it’s Valentine’s,” Ron says.
The club now comes together at other milestones, too —birthdays, weddings, yahrzeit memorials at the synagogue. But Valentine’s is the premier event.
Tomorrow it’s a Mexican potluck fiesta at Lydia’s.
The Losers live on.