A dating cheat sheet for men
How to exchange phone numbers, body language and more
I’m going to let you in on a secret. Ready?
Promise not to tell?
I give my male clients a “men’s dating cheat sheet” when I work with them.
Now, this isn’t to say, of course, that women don’t need, or ask for, the same level of advice as men. Much of this advice could easily apply to everyone — male, female, or otherwise — but, even though a lot has changed regarding gender roles, it’s still often the men who are expected to take the lead in many dating scenarios. Below is the “cheat sheet,” previously only available to clients:
Chivalry 101:
1. Ask where she is located or where she is coming from, and choose a location convenient for her. If you don’t know the area, do some research and give her two to three choices.
2. If trading phone numbers, ask politely for hers first rather than shoving her yours and expecting her to contact you. (”May I have your number?” vs. “Here’s my number. Text me.”)
3. Confirm one day before the date. Text is A-OK, but be confident, “Looking forward to seeing you” instead of the weak “Are we still on?”
4. Arrive on time or early, and wait in front for her.
5. Greet each other with a casual hug.
6. Pay. (Happy to discuss this further if you have questions/ comments.)
7. Treat the wait staff (and everyone) kindly.
8. Offer to walk her where she’s going after the date.
9. Make sure she arrived home safely.
10. If you’re interested, contact her the next day.
Body language pointers:
1. Face your date. Are your knees/feet facing your date or turned away? The more you point them toward your date, the more likely you are into him/her, and vice versa.
2. Sit next to or kitty-corner
from your date rather than across. It’s much easier to have a more intimate, and less interview-like conversation this way.
3. Maintain eye contact. If you want someone to know you’re truly listening, then make the appropriate eye contact.
4. Smile.
First date don’ts:
1. Having your phone out or texting.
2. Talking about your ex (positively or negatively).
3. Talking about money (how much you have or don’t have).
4. Being late with no notification.
5. Being rude to a server ... or anyone.
6. Drinking too much.
7. Talking about work the entire time.
8. Having bad breath, unkempt hair or wrinkled clothing.
9. Talking about marriage (either your future one or what went wrong in your last one).
10. Not tipping well.
11. Talking about yourself too much.
12. Being “fake” or putting on airs.
13. Smoking/smelling like smoke.
14. Flipping the “off” switch if no attraction (try to stay present).
An important note to remember is that these are merely guidelines. (Granted, they are guidelines that have proven to work over and over again.)
But, for every piece of advice given here, you’ll find someone who did the exact opposite, and it worked.
I like to play the odds — if something works 90 per cent of the time, then it’s worth doing it every time.
Is anything guaranteed? Of course not. But using these best practices should get you far in the dating world.