What to do when a child is caught in the middle?

Q: If I am 16 and I don’t want to see my mom anymore and just live with my dad, can I? A: Sorry that you are caught in the middle between your parents.

Situations like these arise for various reasons including: unremitting conflict between the parents; one parent badmouthing the other to the child; a child seeking to avoid responsibility at one home thus opting for the other; wanting to be closer to peers or school; a serious problem with one or other parent that the child either seeks to avoid or alternately be of service to a challenged parent; a child just having an affinity to one parent, often owing to common interests with that parent.

Whatever the reason, when a child voices their desire to live with one or other parent, there is usually much distress for the child. In situations such as these, we would still want the parents to know what is going on for the child and to be able to support that child to resolve whatever lies beneath the request.

The question posed is not one for me to answer, but a matter to be discussed between you and your parents. If you have concerns about how they would manage such a discussion, then ask that you all meet with a counsellor to do so.

The challenge in meeting whatever your needs are in this is to avoid hurting your relationship with either parent. The goal is to have good and reasonable relationships with both parents to serve you throughout your life.

So, speak with them to sort this out. Use a counsellor if necessary. If they will not co-operate, then seek counselling for yourself to determine how you want to manage this.