Couch surfing. Who gets to ride?

Q: My son is 17 and his friend has been couch surfing with us for the past week. He says his parents fight and his dad is abusive. I see he has trouble getting to school and often smells like dope. I am beginning to wonder if I am doing the right thing letting him stay here.

A: Couch surfing refers to a situation where a person cannot stay at their own home and they are sleeping on your couch as a result. These arrangements tend to be impromptu, initiated by a crisis, and there are often no particular plans in place regarding the duration.

This is not an uncommon situation for teens whose home life is fraught with conflict. What you may not know is if the conflict is a result of the teen just seeking to avoid expectations or responsibility, or if there are some more sinister events the teen is seeking to escape.

If you only listen to the teen’s version of events you will have a one-sided story and it may not accurately reflect the situation. You may be played. However, you may also be legitimately concerned for the teen’s safety or well-being.

As the host, you do have options. You can call the parents to inform them of their teen’s request to couch surf and try to understand the nature of the problem and see if you can support a resolution.

Supporting a resolution doesn’t mean you are to be their counsellor, but you certainly can suggest they see one.

You can also discuss with the teen the rules for living in your home, length of stay and/or any other expectations you dream appropriate. You may also make it a condition of the teen’s stay that you talk with the parents to let them know their child is at least safe.

As for your house guest, while the teen may have trouble getting to school and smells like dope, you can guess that his parents may be reasonable and he is not. However, these are behaviours associated with difficulty coping with other parental issues as the teen describes.

They are also symptoms of depression and/or anxiety. As such, you may never know for sure what the teen’s life is like at home.

If you are a parent stepping up or into such situations, just know that you too are taking on a responsibility.

Teens are still kids and require some degree of supervision and guidance.

Don’t be afraid to have some good chats with this young person and consider including attendance at counselling in your expectations — even if you have to drive the teen there.

Have a parenting or relationship question? Send it in a brief email to question@yoursocialworker.com. Due to the volume of mail, not all questions will receive a reply. Special to The Hamilton Spectator.