Dinner Party Download hosts dish on topics to avoid at a gathering
As hosts of American Public Media’s podcast “The Dinner Party Download” and authors of the book “Brunch Is Hell: How to Save the World by Throwing a Dinner Party,” Brendan Francis Newnam and Rico Gagliano have piled up a little expertise in the art of dinner partying.
So it stands to reason they also know what not to talk about when the chardonnay is served. Here’s their list of topics to avoid (and a couple to allow):
Hell on wheels
Brendan: Transportation is not an acceptable topic of conversation at dinner parties. No matter how clever your route, no matter the traffic. The traffic is bad? Water is also wet. These are boring facts that add nothing to the party.
Rico: Don’t enter a party and say “There’s nowhere to park around here!” That implies that the host could do something about that.
Last week’s episode
Rico: No television shows. What do you think is going to come of talking about television? There are bound to be some people there who haven’t seen the TV show, so they can’t talk about it. And if they do intend to watch it, you can’t talk about it because you’ll spoil it for them. And if everyone has seen it, do you just repeat the whole story? There’s no way this ends well.
Tabloid trash
Brendan: The media-created narcissist of the week. It’s always easy for small talk to go to reality TV stars or Kardashians, celebutantes, but we think that stuff is the conversational equivalent of inhaling second-hand smoke: it makes us sick, and there’s so much else to talk about. To give even more airtime to something that’s getting plenty of it doesn’t seem OK. Those things are like kudzu vines that are smothering real conversations.
Break the rules
Brendan: “The old things not to talk about should be given space here, so talk about politics, talk about religion, because you’re with your friends, and that’s when you should be able to talk about those things.”
Rico: “We think it’s OK to discuss politics. If we can’t discuss politics in a private home with people we’ve invited over without killing each other, then maybe that’s what’s really wrong with America.”
Dinner party 101
There is no food porn in Julia Turshen’s new cookbook. In fact, there are zero photos of the 30some recipes. The renowned cookbook author’s “Feed the Resistance” focuses on the power of food. With essays and recipes by contributing writers and community organizers, Turshen’s book explores how food nourishes communities and encourages dialogue. Think of it as a guidebook for bringing people together, one meal at a time.
Q: How do you go about planning a dinner party?
A: I’ve always cared way less about what I’m eating than who I’m eating with. Cooking and eating comes down to community — who are you inviting to your table?
Q: What can people do to use a dinner party to build community?
A: A good friend gave me a great piece of advice: invite someone who doesn’t look like you. It’s powerful and creates an impact when you also invite people who don’t know each other.
Q: Any tips on breaking the ice?
A: A drink is always good! If your food is approachable, that makes conversation much easier to dive right into. On the other hand, a thing I like doing is serving a food people may not be familiar with — it helps to establish a dialogue and a safe space to experiment with topics and ideas. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about difficult topics — it’s our responsibility in our communities to solve our problems together — but as hosts, it’s a unique opportunity to foster compassion at our tables.