Just let Bull­win­kle play through

The Hamilton Spectator - - Sports - DWIGHT PERRY

What could be worse than a dog­leg left? Four moose legs — left and right.

An an­gry Bull­win­kle charged two golfers at Utah’s Park City Golf Club, forc­ing them to flee in their cart.

On the bright side, though, they did win the best-drive com­pe­ti­tion.

Head­lines

— At Fark.com: “Five to­tally, com­pletely un­con­nected Twit­ter ac­counts re­port that Brian Colan­gelo is re­sign­ing as GM of the 76ers.”

— At Borow­itzRe­port.com: “Philadel­phia Ea­gles ac­cept Mueller’s of­fer to cel­e­brate with him.”

Down the hatch

Joey Ch­est­nut cel­e­brated Na­tional Dough­nut Day by down­ing 257 pow­dered Host­ess Donettes in six min­utes in Philadel­phia, but that might not be the worst of it.

June 15 is Na­tional Prune Day.

Name game

The MLB player with the best chance of some­day having a ball­park named after him: Rays out­fielder Johnny Field.

Pompous and cir­cum­stance

In NFL news, Coastal Carolina be­stowed an hon­orary doc­tor­ate on alum­nus and Wash­ing­ton cor­ner­back, Josh Nor­man. It was re­port­edly a Doc­tor of Hu­mane Let­ters, with a trash-talk­ing mi­nor.

News flash

This just in: White House de­nies ESPN re­port of Rus­sian in­volve­ment in Cap­i­tals’ Stan­ley Cup win.

Speed golf

War­riors star Steph Curry has twice headed to the links be­tween games of the NBA Fi­nals, GolfChan­nel.com re­ported, and shot a 71 both times.

Which is even more im­pres­sive, golf wags say, when you con­sider he’s wired to shoot ev­ery 24 sec­onds.

Talk­ing the talk

— Jon Wil­ner of the San Jose Mer­cury News, merely shrug­ging after the Pac-12 — 1-8 in bowl games last sea­son — voted to pro­hibit 5-7 foot­ball teams from bowl con­sid­er­a­tion: “Why worry about a busted tail light when the en­gine needs fix­ing?”

— RJ Cur­rie of Sport­sDeke.com, on War­riors ir­ri­tant Dray­mond Green’s propen­sity to talk: “I’m think­ing he must have been vac­ci­nated as a child with a phono­graph nee­dle.”

He shoots, he scores

NHL ref­eree Gar­rett Rank qual­i­fied for the U.S. Open, card­ing back-to-back 71s for a 2-un­der par at Ans­ley Golf Club in Roswell, Ga.

To no one’s sur­prise, some of his best work came on the five­hole.

‘Po­lice Academy’ lives!

An off-duty FBI agent’s gun

flew out of its hol­ster, hit the floor and dis­charged when he per­formed a back­flip on the dance floor at Den­ver’s Mile High Spir­its Dis­tillery and Tast­ing Bar, wound­ing an­other pa­tron in the leg.

Agent Tack­le­berry, we pre­sume.

New doc on the block

Chiefs tackle Lau­rent Du­ver­nay-Tardif made NFL his­tory when — as an ac­tive player — he got his med­i­cal de­gree, from McGill Uni­ver­sity in Montreal.

No truth to the ru­mour he spe­cial­ized in blocked ar­ter­ies.

15 yards for tar­get­ing?

Line­backer Clay Matthews, pitch­ing in a Pack­ers char­ity softball game, wound up with a bro­ken nose cour­tesy of a line drive back to the mound.

At­tend­ing physi­cians im­me­di­ately urged him to stick with less-dan­ger­ous pur­suits — like, say, pro foot­ball.

Pedal lightly

The fam­ily of the late cor­pu­lent co­me­dian Chris Far­ley sued Trek Bi­cy­cle Com­pany for nam­ing one of its wide-tire bikes the “Far­ley.”

Chip­pen­dales im­me­di­ately scrapped its plans to re­lease a “Satur­day Night Live” work­out video.

Quote marks

— Golfer Tim Her­ron, 48, to the St. Paul Pi­o­neer Press, on what he plans to do with the $163,300 he won after ty­ing for 11th at the Fort Worth In­vi­ta­tional: “Prob­a­bly put it in my kids’ col­lege fund — it might cover a year when they’re all go­ing to school.”

— Bob Moli­naro in the Nor­folk Vir­ginian-Pi­lot, on the Oak­land A’s draw­ing their small­est home crowd since 2003 — 6,295 — in the midst of War­riors fever: “Steph Curry at­tracts more than that when he gets a hair­cut.”

— ABC’s Jimmy Kim­mel, on why the Cavs’ J.R. Smith wasn’t wor­ried when the War­riors grabbed a 3-0 se­ries lead.

“He thinks the NBA Fi­nals are best-of-11.”

No-show TO

Diva NFL eceiver Ter­rell Owens says he won’t at­tend this year’s Pro Foot­ball Hall of Fame cer­e­mony, say­ing he prefers to cel­e­brate his in­duc­tion else­where.

Darn! Now we’ll never know what the over/un­der for in­stances of “I” or “me” in his ac­cep­tance speech would have been.

Name game

Sure-handed Vik­ings re­ceiver Adam Thie­len also boasts a golf hand­i­cap of one.

In other words, he doesn’t take many drops in ei­ther sport.

Pag­ing Dr. Rodgers

Aaron Rodgers was given an hon­orary doc­tor­ate from the Med­i­cal Col­lege of Wis­con­sin.

Well, he is pretty good at dis­sect­ing defences.

Low Tide

Alabama foot­ball coach Nick Sa­ban says a de­fec­tive fuel pump — not run­ning out of gas — is the rea­son he and some of his play­ers got stranded on a lake in his new boat.

Or to put it in foot­ball terms, looks like the boat dealer got him with a pump fake.

The write stuff

— Com­edy writer Jim Barach, on re­ports that Johnny Manziel will open his CFL ca­reer on the bench: “That’s al­ready re­sulted

in his new nick­name of ‘Johnny Splin­ters.’”

— Com­edy writer Brad Dickson, with an NBA Fi­nals up­date: “Kevin Du­rant just hit a 3-point shot over the room-ser­vice cart while ly­ing in bed in his ho­tel room six miles from the bas­ket.”

— Bucks for­ward Gi­an­nis An­te­tok­oun­mpo, via Twit­ter, on broad­en­ing his culi­nary hori­zons: “Just tried a corn­dog for the first time ... Man, God Bless Amer­ica!”

BRUCE BEN­NETT GETTY IM­AGES

The White House is deny­ing any Rus­sian in­volve­ment in the out­come of the Stan­ley Cup fi­nal.

ED ZURGA THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

Is there a doc­tor on the field? Well, yes, there is.

MICHAEL CON­ROY THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

Se­rial talker Dray­mond Green was ap­par­ently vac­ci­nated with a phono­graph nee­dle.

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