If it fits, it must be his mitt
Nice catch, mom!
Julie Lisi, 78, found quite the $1.49 bargain at a thrift store in Jupiter, Fla., when she discovered her son Christopher’s Little League glove with his name still written on it. He’d lost it 40 years earlier in Willoughby, Ohio — 1,000 miles away — amid the postgame celebration after hitting two home runs in the seasonending game. So she texted him a picture of it, just to be sure.
“He was thrilled, he was jumping up and down,” she told The New York Times. “He just said, ‘Mom, bring it home.’ He plans to pass it on to a grandson someday.”
Football headlines
• At DailySnark.com: “Breaking: Clay Matthews suspended by the NFL for Jimmy Garropolo tearing his ACL.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Polite highschool football team runs around banner that took hours to make.”
Woe is we
Fans of the NBA’s Sacramento Kings, MLB’s San Diego Padres and NFL’s Cleveland Browns came in 1-2-3 in ESPN’s Fan Misery Index ratings, based on championships, playoff appearances/wins, heartbreaks and rival teams’ success.
Mariners fans — merely 17th — have never been so happy to finish out of contention.
Pass the chequebook
The 1937 Heisman Trophy of the late Yale running back Clinton Frank could fetch $400,000 on the Heritage Auctions block, with bidding set to close Oct. 18.
In keeping with the theme, they’re going to cut off the trophy’s outstretched hand and reattach it with the palm up.
Big-and-small store
Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge and Astros second baseman Jose Altuve finished 1-2 in baseball-jersey sales this season, according to MLB.com sales.
At six-foot-seven and five-footsix, that covers the long and short of it.
Citizen King
Mariners pitcher Felix Hernandez passed his citizenship interview Monday morning, then became a U.S. citizen that afternoon.
Alert Elias Sports Bureau types immediately credited his week with a quality start.
Wrong end zone
Toilet paper could be among the items facing price hikes because of tariffs imposed on Chinese products by President Donald Trump, Walmart warned in a Sept. 6 letter.
Which certainly explains Isaiah Crowell’s ill-advised endzone celebration.
Whiffs galore
The Indians just became the first team in baseball history with four 200-strikeout pitchers: Corey Kluber, Trevor Bauer, Carlos Carrasco and Mike Clevinger.
Just call them the 4-by-200-K relay.
No-fly zone
Reds slugger Joey Votto reportedly has only seven pop flies in close to 5,400 at-bats. Which probably explains why you never see him in any pop-up ads.
Talking the talk
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, with a sure sign the NFL is out of control: “Carrie Underwood was singing the opening of ‘Sunday Night Football’ and she got flagged for roughing the passer.”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on the 106,000 packing Michigan Stadium for the Nebraska game: “It looks like the last time I went to the DMV on a Saturday.”
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the Browns winning for the first time in 635 days: “And now, a few words from Cleveland Mayor Baker Mayfield.”
Sweating for two now
Fit Pregnancy Club, a New York City gym that opened a year ago, caters only to pregnant women and those with infants.
It’s also the only gym where “water breaks” takes on a whole different meaning.
Just asking
If Sears & Roebuck files for bankruptcy, as is feared, where will Penn State get its football uniforms?
Cavalier attitude
The Cavaliers — despite the departure of LeBron James — are still the team to beat in the Eastern Conference, Cleveland centre Tristan Thompson told reporters.
Oddsmakers immediately made Thompson the morning-line favourite for first NBA player to get drug-tested this season.
Hold the grease
The Comerica Park concessions worker who spit on a pizza has been charged with a felony.
Word to the wise: Next time you order the Gaylord Perry Special, tell them to hold the toppings.
Attention, stat geeks
Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia likely lost a $500,000 incentive bonus by hitting a Rays batter with a retaliatory pitch and getting ejected from his final scheduled start — leaving him two innings shy of the 155-inning threshold.
On the bright side, CC did coin a new baseball term: a blown savings.
Quote marks
• Dave Richard of CBSsports.com, after the unbeaten Vikings — 16 1/2-point favourites — lost to the winless Bills at home in the NFL’s biggest upset in 26 years: “The next time you find yourself muttering about how unfair/ unlikely/unpredictable fantasy football is, just imagine how Mike Zimmer must feel.”
• B.C. comic Torben Rolfsen, on Minnesota getting riddled by the Rams in L.A. Thursday night: “Not a big surprise — the Vikings peaked on the road about 1,000 years ago.”
• Steelers receiver Antonio Brown, to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, on QB Ben Roethlisberger: “He always makes me feel good communicating with me. It’s like when your wife tells you that you look strong getting the groceries. It makes you want to get more groceries.”
Duck!
A couple of Oregon fans threw bottles at Stanford players exiting the field after their team’s stunning overtime loss.
Cold Duck bottles, we presume.
Quote, end quote
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after a video went viral of a passing seal smacking a New Zealand kayaker in the face with an octopus: “If nothing else it broke The Three Stooges’ triple-slap record by five.”
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on the Jazz scheduled to play in a Christmas Day game for the first time since 1997: “Whew, time flies. Last time this happened the Jazz were on track to play Chicago in the NBA finals, and Dennis Rodman thought foreign relations meant dating Alicia Douvall.”
• Former HBO boxing commentator Larry Merchant, on the network getting out of the ring business: “Once upon a time we were a promising kid. Then a challenger. Then a champion. A great champion. A longtime champion. And then a has-been who finally retired. So long, champ.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Germany’s Richard Mietz broke a Guinness world record for fastest marathon by a guy dressed as a landmark: “It was a monumental achievement.”