Not seeing the grandkids? Offer the support to parents

Q: A group of us, all over 60 were discussing how our children see letting us have time with the grandchildren as a treat, like they are doing us a favour.

Otherwise, it seems like our time with the grandkids is restricted. What is it about this younger generation that seems less caring about us in this older generation?

A: These are very different times. The kids we raised in the ’70s and early ’80s tended to have one full-time parent in the home.

We (I include myself at age 62) catered to their needs and this was at a time when “praise your kids” was a mantra.

It just may be with all that attention and praise, we have raised a generation of persons who are inadvertently more self-centred.

However, an alternate explanation may require a look at economic changes between then and now.

Since we raised our children, the economy has shifted, housing has become a huge cost and, as such, it requires two working parents just to make ends meet.

That means, they are not as available to be with their children; hence their own time with the kids may be more precious.

To add, given lack of parental availability owing to work, children are expected to stay indoors or only attend supervised activities for safety’s sake. Again, precious time between parents and their own children is lessened. For the grandkids to be with us, it can come at the expense of parental time.

There are other strategies to increase the connection between grandparents and the grandchildren.

That includes attending their activities where spectators are welcome; offering to watch the kids before or after school; being the chauffeur to their activities; making a Friday night or Sunday night meal and bringing it to your children’s house to eat together.

Connect in a way that is helpful to the parents to increase time with the grandkids so no one need lose time together.

See your own kids as overworked, instead of withholding, and act accordingly.

Have a parenting or relationship question? Send it in a brief email to question@yoursocialworker.com. Due to the volume of mail, not all questions will receive a reply. Special to The Hamilton Spectator.