How to steal Bird’s bravado
Havlicek vs. Bird: who wins? Turns out it was Hondo — by TKO.
The two Celtics legends — whose NBA careers missed overlapping by two years — once went one-on-one anyway after Bird, 16 1/2 years Havlicek’s junior, bragged he would have dominated had the two ever played.
As Havlicek, who died Thursday at 79, once told The Boston Globe: “I said, ‘Fine, let’s go right now.’ I made a swipe for the ball, but in doing so I hit him in a very tender spot. He went down and stayed down for a good two minutes.
“I said, ‘That’s it. You lose. You aren’t tough enough to have played in my day.’ ”
Seahawks headlines
• From ESPN’s Kenny Mayne, via Twitter: “Seahawks are swapping 29 and 30 with themselves, just to stay in the news.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Retired Marshawn Lynch goes into Yeast Mode while baking.”
Grass is Greener Dept.
Oregon is producing more marijuana than it can legally sell, as in a surplus of 1 million pounds.
In a related story, demands to be traded to the Portland Trail Blazers just shot through the roof.
More chlorine, please
Italian swimmer Andrea Vergani has been suspended after testing positive for cannabis.
Guess WADA officials weren’t buying the old “somebody must’ve dumped their bong water in the swimming pool” excuse.
Overtext
An Arizona woman was jailed after sending 159,000 texts to a man after just one date.
Thus breaking the record previously set by overzealous Alabama fans to a five-star recruit.
Playing through
Ex-MLB outfielder Eric Byrnes broke a speed-golf record by playing 420 holes in 24 hours.
Now, if he could only do something about the length of baseball games.
Just wondering
Alabama publicists’ biggest concern this spring: Is Nick
Saban’s hip-replacement surgery considered an upper- or lower-body injury?
Who Dat Mad, Bro?
Americans’ anger, stress and worry in 2018 reached their highest levels in a decade, according to a new Gallup poll.
And if you think the angst was bad then, you should have seen Saints fans in late January.
Tie, tie again
No truth to the rumour that New York City FC — they of the 2-1-5 MLS record — plan to add ties as part of their uniform.
A big Giant zero
Maybe Giants fans ought to emulate their Dodger counterparts and start showing up fashionably late.
Alas, the Giants failed to score a first-inning run in their first 25 games this season.
Talking the talk
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on the Babe Ruth jersey expected to fetch $4.5 million at auction: “It was ruled authentic after researchers found traces of three mustard and two beer stains.”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, after a bobcat attacked a Connecticut golfer who ventured into the rough: “The USGA immediately put the course in the U.S. Open rotation.”
Razing Arizona
The Phoenix Suns fired coach Igor Kokoskov after just one feckless season.
NBA fans there are already partying like it was 19-63.
Quote marks
• Torben Rolfsen of Vancouver, B.C.’s CKST Radio, on two sure signs golf season is starting: “The Masters, or Justin Bieber and Drake at a Leafs game.”
• Vikings receiver Adam Thielen, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, when asked if he has any big purchases planned after landing a $64 million contract extension: “Not yet. My wife does a good job of holding me back on that kind of stuff.”
• Bob Molinaro, in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, after the Hampton Roads market finished No. 1 this season for percentage of TVs tuned into NBA games on ESPN and ABC: “We like our sports around here. As long as it doesn’t require buying tickets.”
Cutting the Cards
Cardinals QB Josh Rosen, disgruntled after the team drafted Kyler Murray No. 1, unfollowed the team on both Twitter and Instagram before he was traded to Miami.
Who says breaking up is hard to do?
No time for Sergeants
Colts owner Jim Irsay forked over $718,750 to buy John Lennon’s famed piano.
Hey, Jim, when the playerpersonnel people said they wanted Peppers, they meant Julius, not Sgt.
Next!
The trigger-happy Phoenix Suns are looking for their seventh head coach in eight years.
In keeping with the theme, arena workers just installed a turnstile in front of the coaches’ bench.
Quote, end quote
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Duke landing four of the top 30 men’s basketball prospects: “Someday these young men will look back at their time in Durham as some of the best months of their lives.” • RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Red Sox ace Chris Sale started the season 0-4 with a 7.43 ERA: “The only pitcher looking worse lately is the Trivago guy.”