One-sided conversations a challenge
Thank-you text was nice, but a sexually explicit message came after
Candace is a 47-year-old product designer who lives in Toronto’s west end. She says, “I have classic, feminine style. I love everything oldschool, fashionwise.” She is “outgoing and charismatic” and says, “I love listening to music, cooking, hosting dinner parties, golfing, hiking, fishing, sailing and gardening.” Candace wants to date someone who is “funloving, genuine, a music fan and smart.” Candace has been single for four years and says, “Online dating is a huge mess. Guys want to use women for therapy or sex. Very young guys think I’m a kink they need to explore. I’m not confident I’ll ever find someone again.” I met Kieran online. We agreed to meet for lunch and if we both felt like it, we would continue the date into the afternoon by going to a festival to look around, eat and get to know each other.
When we met and made introductions, Kieran seemed friendly, but also a bit quiet and shy. He was tall and handsome, and his clothes were nice, but his shirt was visibly wrinkled. I didn’t think much of it because we had only planned for lunch and possibly a field trip to a summer festival, but it would have been nice if he’d made more of an effort and worn a different shirt.
We talked about our favourite food and restaurants, and our favourite places to eat in the city and beyond. He was very enthusiastic when talking about food, but he didn’t volley the conversation back to me, or respond much to my interjections about my own favourite places.
I paid for my own meal, but that’s OK: it was the first date and all. I always prefer to pay for my own food, drinks, passes or tickets, especially on a date with someone I met online.
If we go out again, then he should be paying. I don’t want to feel beholden to anyone over anything, even a cup of coffee.
Kieran drove us to the festival. On the way there, I mentioned that I had never been to this particular festival. He simply didn’t respond. It was as if my contributions to the conversation, other than asking him questions, were not taking place.
He went on to tell me all about the finer points of food culture in Toronto, again without asking me what I thought, or what my experiences and opinions were.
When we arrived at the festival, he commented on how the event was free for the public. I was like “Sure, OK,” but it’s not like admission to an event like that would have been expensive. I knew he had a good job in a high-paying field.
A festival can be a very romantic place, even on a first date. Strolling the grounds, taking everything in, maybe even hand-in-hand, was what I’d had in mind.
Instead, Kieran approached the festival like a student, making sure to stop at every single booth to appraise what was being offered. He didn’t seem to want to buy anything, or get anything to eat, but the booths were more interesting to him than our date.
We approached a little kiosk that sold snacks and I suggested that we get some water. He went first, took out his credit card and paid only for his water.
Later, when we were both hungry again, we got heaving plates of food from one of the stands we had scoped out. He paid for his and then told me to go ahead and pay for mine.
After a few hours, I decided it was time to leave. When we finally got back to my place, I thanked him for a nice morning, but there was no kiss or hug, or even a handshake.
After our date, he texted me to thank me for the date. I thought that was nice. However, he followed it up by sending something sexually explicit. I was appalled and wrote him back to ask why he would send that text. He followed up by asking if I wanted to go out with him again. I declined.
Candace rates her date (out of 10):
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