Ontario lockdown is threatening to break me

After everything we’ve done to stay safe, how are we still here?

And yet there is nothing to do but to soldier on, to remind yourself that are those who have it worse and to count your blessings instead of the number of empty wine bottles

My stiff upper lip is quivering.

During the opening weeks and months of the pandemic last spring, I was determined to be strong. Stuck inside with the kids, we tried to make it fun by turning our living room into a “frat house” with a big-screen TV, video game console and plenty of garbage fast food and snacks. It was scary, sure, but it was also something new.

The summer wasn’t so bad. Cases went down and I went outside. Patios were open for the occasional beer. I figured out curbside pickup, online grocery shopping, Zoom calls, how to cut my own hair. I learned I could live without the mall and the movie theatre just fine. I could also wear a mask without feeling my personal freedom was somehow being impinged on.

The shutdown over the holidays was a little tougher. We didn’t spend time with family like we usually do and while there was an element of relief not to be hosting a full house for the first time since forever, it was also a little heartbreaking. Still, vaccines were on the horizon and remaining diligent is what had to be done.

But this lockdown? This lockdown is threatening to break me.

Somehow, the new strains of the virus are even scarier than the original.

Not only is it more transmissible but it seems to be impacting people in my age bracket — and younger — with greater severity. ICUs are filling up faster than ever and the infection rate is skyrocketing. After everything we’ve done, how are we still here?

The unrelenting nature of the virus is a factor, sure. But my sense of frustration with government officials is also growing. I moved my teenager from in-person to online learning (over his objection) after Christmas because I was concerned about variants. I’m not Kreskin: I follow four smart people on Twitter and read the news. The idea the Ontario government didn’t see this coming is either bullcrap or incompetence.

Instead, the government opened stores and malls and restaurants. People, tired of being locked at home, went out and tried to resume their lives. Without paid sick leave, the most economically vulnerable continued to go to work when they shouldn’t because that’s what you do when you need to eat or feed your family. Together, we turned the smouldering embers of the third wave into a wildfire.

Now, everyone I know is feeling the strain. My kids are showing it in increasingly worrisome ways. My wife had a good cry the other day, something she rarely does. My Zoom calls inevitably start with four or five minutes of commiserating: nobody bothers with the lie that they “doing fine” anymore.

And yet there is nothing to do but to soldier on, to remind yourself that are those who have it worse and to count your blessings instead of the number of empty wine bottles. The vaccines are here, doing battle with the variants. We’re losing now but maybe we can still win: this has to end sometime, right?

Right?