Boyfriend must come clean about neighbour

Q My boyfriend’s cheating with his neighbour and keeps saying he’s just a friend. What should I do?

He’s Cheating, Right?

A Ask yourself, is it possible that he’s telling the truth? Do you have knowledge, beyond suspicions, that this is truly cheating, not just an innocent friendship? Has he previously been a cheater? If so, why still listen to what you believe are his lies?

You have the right in a relationship to receive answers you can believe. That’s not happening. Display your self-respect. Say that you deserve better than how he treats you. Start considering a safe, logical plan for moving on without him.

It might cause him to reconsider his behaviour that’s raised your mistrust.

Dear Reader Yes, this relationship columnist got the message from a letter writer — each person reads information then processes it according to their personal interest and viewpoint. As an example, an assortment of individual views of recent columns:

Reader No. 1: “Here’s what came to mind for me regarding the jealous partner in the polyamorous relationship (Feb. 12):

“It reminds me of a couple I know. The husband declared years ago that he and his wife were in an ‘open’ relationship (I think this was what it was called back then).

“He then attempted to seduce a friend who was staying over at their place, and then me.

“I found out later that when his wife had begun an affair of her own, he was upset … so the ‘open’ nature of their relationship was really just for him.” (Ellie: The book “Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples” was a bestselling book in 1972 by Nena O’Neill and George O’Neill. The O’Neills eventually divorced.)

Reader No. 2 Regarding the letter-writer whose mom wants more connection with him, which his wife considers “creepy” (Feb. 17):

“I’m unsure if this is our western values but is seeing your mom once a year too often? His children will likely have a poor model of family relationships, when they are told that being together with parents more often than once a year is somehow too much.

“I believe this emphasis on individualism and ‘independence’ is a huge problem in our society, leading to intense loneliness and isolation which then contributes to many psychological disorders.

“We’ve raised children to despise dependence and relying on others for our happiness. We show disdain for societies wherein children are taught community values of responsibility for each other, and having close family nearby is considered an advantage unless they’re dysfunctional. In these societies, the sense of loneliness is much lower and elders are admired for their guidance/life experience.

“Research repeatedly shows that it’s not financial gains that create a meaningful life but a sense of belonging and meaning.”

Dr. Hannah Rockman, PsyD.

Reader No. 3 Regarding the woman trying to help her grieving friend (Feb. 15):

“Thank you so much for printing my email, and for your kind words. Oddly enough, just the day before the email appeared, I bumped into a friend who sadly lost her husband a year ago.

“She told me about the counselling she had, and how helpful it had been. It was a six-week program on Zoom. She had contacted the Newmarket Doane Hospice. Such an excellent idea. Here are the details: Doanehospice.org/Bereavement-Program.

“Hope this is of use.”

Ellie’s tip of the day

Never accept from a relationship partner what you believe are lies and repeated cheating. Show self-respect and plan a better life without them.