The Hamilton Spectator

MAGA can’t win its war with Swift

- VINAY MENON

Taylor Swift did not peel off a mask to reveal she was Kamala Harris.

You know the MAGA conspiraci­sts were waiting for something like that as Super Bowl LVIII ended on Sunday with Kansas City beating San Francisco 25-22. That was an exciting game, wasn’t it? Overtime! Phantom injuries! Off-camera streakers! A back-and-forth nail-biter! A halftime show in which Usher stripped down like a Chippendal­es dancer, rollerblad­ed as if on an awkward first date and sweated more than any of the players!

The MAGA conspiraci­sts missed all of it. They were fixated on Ms. Swift.

They tuned in to the biggest TV event of the year looking for proof the superstar is a psyop: Did the CIA mastermind her relationsh­ip with Kansas City’s Travis Kelce? Was alien tech used to violate the spacetime continuum and transport her the 8,900 kilometres from a concert in Tokyo in time for the game in Las Vegas? Was the NFL season rigged to help the Chiefs repeat as champs so Taylor and Travis, the most famous couple on Planet Earth, could have an orbital platform to endorse Joe Biden before this year’s U.S. election?

It sounds crazy because it is crazy. For the GOP, T. Swizzle is not the shizzle.

She haunts their hopes and dreams more than George Soros.

Before kickoff on Sunday, Donald Trump inexplicab­ly took credit for Taylor’s wealth and warned it would be “disloyal” if she ever put on a Team Biden jersey. Disloyal to what? Human decency? After the Chiefs won, Biden jumped into the bonkers subplot by trolling the MAGA conspiraci­sts with a Dark Brandon tweet: “Just like we drew it up.”

If he’s senile, as alleged, we can all hope to one day be so biting.

So now I’m going to give some free advice to the tormented red hats who are so far gone they found themselves rooting for a team from Nancy Pelosi’s district.

Sorry, MAGA, Taylor Swift helped win a Super Bowl and she can help win an election.

You have started a war you can’t win. The woman is way too powerful. The cameras only cut to Swift about six times. She got less airtime than any of the 30-second ads that cost $7 million. But when her face did appear, she came across as a force of nature. If she ever cheered on an asteroid, we’d all be dead.

When Taylor watches Kansas City march up the field, her eyes twinkle with confidence, like she knows that 747 is about to make a safe emergency landing in a lake. She grinned and nodded with positive vibes even when her celebrity pals in the luxury box, including Lana Del Rey and Ice Spice, looked rattled about the score.

For Taylor, losing is never an option. Ask Scooter Braun.

As the Vince Lombardi trophy was presented to Kansas City, Kelce broke into “Viva Las Vegas.” It was odd spoken-word karaoke at a frat boy decibel, as if he was drunk or had been concussed in the fourth quarter. Taylor looked slightly mortified for her boyfriend.

But then came a few seconds of PDA transmitte­d via satellite to more than 100 countries. Taylor and Travis hugged, smooched and, unlike most couples, engaged in mutual back pats and shoulder shakes. She whispered something in his ear, quite possibly, “Please don’t sing in public.” No matter. He looked overjoyed. She looked overjoyed.

They were alone together, over the moon amid the snowing confetti. “That’s real love,” said a CBS commentato­r.

Yes. And that’s why the MAGA conspiraci­sts are so freaked out. They have been deprived of real love by backing a charlatan and orange stain on democracy. During the week of pre-game festivitie­s in Vegas, Trump was running his yap about how he would not protect NATO allies from Russian aggression. Really, MAGA? This is your pick for leader of the free world? Taylor is not a psyop — Donald is a psychopath. Get it right already.

Sunday’s Super Bowl clocked in at nearly 75 minutes, making it the seventh longest game in NFL history. But it was even longer if you were waiting for Swift to get political. The undergroun­d MAGA bookies offering prop bets probably made a killing after Taylor and Travis didn’t say a peep about the election. The big game was their only game. Period.

So the good news for MAGA conspiraci­sts is Swift did not endorse Biden during Sunday’s extravagan­za. The bad news is she will in the weeks ahead because now you annoyed her.

What happens in Vegas stays in MAGA and the Swifties can tilt an election.

In a pre-game interview, Kelce addressed the conspiraci­es about his relationsh­ip: “You’re all crazy. Every last one of you is crazy.”

I feel you, bro. The craziest part? If the crazies want to see Trump return to the White House, they should have never picked a fight with the greatest influencer alive, a woman who can mobilize her fans to vote for the other guy. The Swifties boost economies. They set off seismograp­hs. They are no match for any convention­al army.

Taylor Swift was first captured on camera at 4:21 p.m. Sunday as she arrived at Allegiant Stadium in a black tank top with her Chiefs jacket slung over her shoulder. She looked both tranquil and fully expecting to win because winning is what she does.

Good luck in November, MAGA. You will need it.

 ?? JOHN LOCHER THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ?? Taylor Swift kisses Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs after Sunday’s Super Bowl. If the crazies want to see Donald Trump return to the White House, they should have never picked a fight with the greatest influencer alive, writes Vinay Menon, a woman who can mobilize her fans to vote for the other guy.
JOHN LOCHER THE ASSOCIATED PRESS Taylor Swift kisses Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs after Sunday’s Super Bowl. If the crazies want to see Donald Trump return to the White House, they should have never picked a fight with the greatest influencer alive, writes Vinay Menon, a woman who can mobilize her fans to vote for the other guy.
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